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| Screenshot | Game name and Author | Platform | Description |
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RPS by steve 10/02/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 48K | Some people say that the oldest games are the best. Some people have never spent several hours stuck in traffic on a coach bound for a waterlogged campsite somewhere in North Wales with an overenthusiastic family member attempting to keep the kids amused. Here though, the block graphics are impressively professional looking and rather colourful in this Z88DK based implementaion of the game that dates back to the time of the Flintstones. Yes, "Rock, Paper, Scissors" has finally and perhaps inevetibly arrived at CSSCGC 2008! Will you get your rocks off in time to fool the "cutting edge" AI? Or will you get cut up and completely fold? Use keys r,p,s to select Rock, Paper or Scissors as you continue to pit your gut instincts against the evil machinations of the Z80 based random number generator. I love the pacman graphics that pop up within the game, and ask myself were they diverted from another aborted game, or simply a nice retro touch? |
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Advanced PURPLE Loading Simulator by BloodBaz 12/02/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 16K | Perhaps you've already enjoyed the delights of Advanced Loading Simulator by steve? Well, if you're a fan of that one, then you're sure to love this. Here we see the concept taken to a new level, with PURPLE loading bars in this version, although the author does in fact assure us that any similarity to other games is purely coincidental. This should be particularly welcomed by those people who have a pathological desire of anything purple. Those people certainly do exist as I once watched a serious documentary about such people, following them in their daily lives, and their ongoing pursuit of all things purple. It was erm... interesting! |
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The Hat Factory by Gavin Callard 12/02/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 48K | You play the part of Quality Control Manager in an automated hat factory faced with a rather unenviable situation. A fault in the machinery has unfortunately resulted in bombs sometimes being produced instead of hats. Don't you just hate it when that sort of thing happens, shoddy workmanship I tell you! But you can't allow pesky things like calling out the health and safety executive to get in the way of hat profits, so instead stamp out the bombs in order to preserve the truckload of hats. Be careful not to blow it in this fast paced game. For if you let just a single bomb through it is sure blow the lot, and then you are certain to be as mad as a hatter. Sidenote: This game is also known as "Mega Hat Simulator ++". |
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The Ark in Space by Graz 12/02/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 128/+2 | What a treat for us "old series" Doctor Who fans, and one of my favourite stories too. Ahh "The Ark in Space", classic Tom Baker stuff, evoking memories of the much worshipped Sarah Jane Smith, and of course the well mannered Harry Sullivan. But the real stars in this game appear to be the menacing threat of the Wirrn, superbly captured into the limitations of the speccy pallette, making them appear even more frightening than on the TV version. The game features chip music on the intro screen, and high quality graphics throughout. Use the keys of your choice to navigate around the retro-futuristic Nerva Space Station whilst remaining intensely alert and ready to fend off attack in an instant. Please be careful Doctor, as the fate of the entire human race rests solely on your shoulders! |
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Stay On The Road by Mulder 13/02/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 48K | Do you know anyone who is about to go in for their driving test? If so, then this game may prove somewhat useful. It teaches a fundamental first lesson of driving namely (1) Stay On The Road. Drive merrily along in this Krypton Factor style test of driving skill as you drive through the green belt towards a distant yellow metropolis. You must do your very best to keep the car away from the edges whilst avoiding being put off by the "strobing" effect of the road. Remember, Keep off the grass! Drive carefully, and bear in mind that by improving your steering skills, this game may one day save your life. |
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Martin Kelner's Scissors Paper Stone by Guesser 13/02/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum +2A/+3 | Clearly the Rock, Paper, Scissors season has returned with a vengence, and I've been caught napping. Everyone out there has been playing the game except me. Companies have been set up advertising various clothing and merchandise, international "RPS" organisations rivalling UNESCO in manpower are vying for my attention via Google ads. I can only think it's some part of a massive, sinister global conspiracy. But as for this game, it wallows deeply in the murky depths of defunct Local Radio fun and games. You'll no doubt chuckle with glee at a transcription that was once amusing to someone at some time in the past, as they sat in their Yorkshire home, drinking a nice cup of cocoa on a Friday night, wearing one of those large slippers that fits snugly over both feet at once. Can this level of entertainment survive the format transition to an eight-bit game with all the humourous nuances intact? Well, there certainly is something "funny" in there, but I think I need time for the finer elements of this game's cerebral gags to infiltrate my mind, and then no doubt I will be converted to the "Scissors, Paper, Stone" cause forever! Nice intro animation makes use of the ramdisk. Guesser has thoughtfully provided a downloadable cassette inlay. Have your inkjet printers at the ready, and topped up with black ink. |
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More Tea Vicar by Gavin Callard 14/02/08 Download |
ZX80 1K, ZX81 16K, Cambridge Z88, Jupiter ACE, ZX Spectrum 16K & Sinclair QL |
Gavin Callard continues to amaze us, with this triple-platform release (now released for many more platforms) of More Tea Vicar as inspired by the C4 series Big Breakfast. Gavin says - That I don't know much about the three platforms I am writing on is why this is so bad. (That and the fact that I spent a comfortable total of two and a half hours on them in total!). Those are my excuses and I'm sticking to them! He also tells me that the ZX80 and ZX81 versions are snapshots for the emulator "eightyOne", and the z88 version runs under the z88Dream emulator for Windows.
(Get it here) The ZX81 version is especially badly programmed, and needs a RAM-pack on top of the default memory. (DP - Doesn't everything though?). Screenshot is from the Cambridge Z88 version. Enjoy the game as I did (three times over), and I learned how to use a new emulator to boot!
*Update 24/02/08* - Gavin has now also written a version of the game in Forth for the Jupiter ACE which I have added to the downloadable zipfile. The Jupiter ACE version also runs on the EightyOne emulator. To restart the game on the Jupiter ACE after winning, type "main" and hit <ENTER>. Gavin tells me that the Jupiter ACE version is a textbook example of how NOT to write a Forth program. It may eventually crash if run for long enough, due to not freeing up used space on the stack. This has undoubtedly pushed Forth the crapness experience of CSSCGC 2008! *Update 26/02/08* - Gavin has now pledged to release this game on every single platform that is permitted in CSSCGC 2008 (and that is quite a few of them), so I will keep playtesting and adding the different "ports" to the downloadable MTV.zip file as he sends them in. Today I have added his ZX Spectrum version to the downloadable zipfile. *Update 11/03/08* - I have added Gavin's Sinclair QL version to the download. |
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Helen 'nnngggghhh' Keller's Super Off-Road Racer
by Anne 'Two taps' Sullivan. 22/02/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 16K | 'nnngggghhh' was funnily enough the first word that I uttered after I saw this game. The black screen with an intentional complete lack of graphics portrays a realistic simulation of lacking the ability to see. An amusing crap idea in this game is that when prompted to "Try Again?" your keyboard response is completely ignored, and you will get another go anyway. In game keys are QAOP and SPACE. I can only guess that the loading screen was artfully lifted from an Alison Moyet video. |
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ShitStack BrickBat
by steve 25/02/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 16K | I didn't know they stacked shit that high! Well, not until I played this latest effort from steve. Use keys 5 and 8 to move the bat left and right attempting to catch the rather colourful and delightfully sounding fecal matter as it falls towards the bottom of the screen. You may find the game to be rather "open ended", as you eventually start slicing the bat sideways through the five towers of poo as the game progresses to the later stages. |
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Drugsy by GreenCard 02/03/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 16K | In this game which is subtitled Advanced Recreational Pharmaceutical Distributor Simulator, you can take a tour of some English cities (and Northampton for that matter). Peddle your wares as you travel from town to town as you aim to make £100,000 so that you can retire and go straight! You won't be taking the scenic route though as game focuses completely on the buisiness aspects of your trade. This game made me realise, I've never actually been to Northapmton. Sure I've travelled through there a few times, but never actually visited there. But thanks to this game, I have now visited the place in a virtual sense, and I guess that's the next best thing! |
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Ultimate Anger Simulator by The Mojon Twins 08/03/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 48K |
Billed by the authors as a "sportive simulator" with a "metaphysic final", this
"button basher" will have your character turning into a blue rage. The air will probably turn blue too as you frustratingly attempt to move the anger bar right down to the end of the scale. Hires graphics of the short-tempered maniac somehow conjour up vague memories of Brian Glover as Andrews in Alien 3, but that's just because most games somehow remind me of a sci-fi movie. Perhaps you will instead be reminded of Buster Bloodvessel? No, you can't possibly get any angrier than that can you, surely not? C sourcecode for the Z88DK development environment kindly included in the downloadable RAR archive. |
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Sim City: The Text Adventure by Unsatisfactory Software 17/03/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 16K | I previously stated that hosting CSSCGC 2008 was merely part of my punishment for inflicting The Quest For The Golden Egg on last years judges. Well here is the next installment of my punishment in the form of Sim City: The Text Adventure. You may also suffer as well if you so wish! It's that great rule of the Universe: "What goes around comes around", and Unsatisfactory Software have now thoughtfully repaid my crap game enthusiasm in kind! The fact that the game is also known as Pro Russell Brand Simulator does not bode well for those of us who are not the greatest admirers of the current crop of TV "entertainers". It is my duty to warn everyone that the game contains textual descriptions of civil disorder that some players may find distressing. I can only hope that the inclusion of the game onto this page, and my subsequent description of it does not result in the embedded Google Ads adapting themselves in accordance with a Russel Brand fansite. |
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Barcode Hangman by Unsatisfactory Software 17/03/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 16K & ZX81 16K |
The barcode revolution of the latter half of the 20th century has undeniably become a cornerstone of our information age. Barcodes are now ubiquitous and found everywhere from tins of mushy peas to cannisters of nuclear waste. But apart from the serious side, you may not know that they have also had a great impact on popular culture too. From songs such as "Barcode Bypass" by "Mull Historical Society", and books such as "The Da-Vinci Barcode: A Parody". Now Unsatisfactory Software present this Barcode-themed game, "Barcode Hangman!". In this game, ported to the speccy from an original ZX81 version, you must pit your wits against the computer in order to reveal the hidden barcode number. Make too many mistakes, and your number is up (or rather not up), but I'm sure you'll be dying to have another go!
*Updated 05/04/08* - Unsatisfactory software have now provided the original ZX81 version of this game. It requires a 16K expansion pack and is now also available via the download link. |
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Multiload Hangman by Paul E Collins 20/03/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 48K |
The included readme explains this game thus:- Multiload Hangman by Equinox for the comp.sys.sinclair Crap Games Competition 2008. This is the traditional hangman word game. However, rather than include a few DATA statements with words that the player will soon memorise, I have elected to include the entire Collins dictionary of 267,751 words that are acceptable in Scrabble. The C# program Dict2Tap.cs was used to convert the words from a text file into a Spectrum tape file. They are stored in a very lazy uncompressed format so that each word begins at a 15-byte boundary. With the addition of code and graphics, the resulting tape file is 4,027,944 bytes long. Since the Spectrum's average loading speed is about 170 bytes per second, this means that if you are unlucky enough to get a word beginning with Z you can probably expect about seven hours of loading time." DP:- So, I think I'll play this one whilst also playing "SHUTTLE" under MSDOS. That also takes seven hours for the space shuttle to roll out to the pad. Then even if I get a word beginning with 'Z' I won't be wasting any time, nice! |
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Virtual ZX Spectrum by James Smith 22/03/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 48K |
To quote some fragments of James' Email to me:-
It emulates a Z80 CPU and traps hardware/memory access to create a virtual 16K Spectrum. By trapping the ROM LOAD and BEEP calls it can be made usable so you can load programs into the virtual machine and hear it play tunes. It is self contained and even if you do "RANDOMIZE USR 0" it still won't reset the host. The only way to reset the host is to press the reset button, generate a NMI or use an emulator's debugger to change PC. The .TAP file I've enclosed does contain MTV at the end of it, but any 16K program can be used. There are still one or two bugs in the Z80 core as I know the Psion Planetoids ROM cartridge doesn't work (Space Raiders & Hungry Horace do though). It is also around 1/10th the speed of a real Spectrum. DP:- The screenshot I grabbed is from a one-liner program I co-wrote last year "1 Line Space Trader", running inside the 16K virtual machine provided by James' software. The downloadable tapfile and the one in the "Crap Game Arcade" both include Gavin Callard's ZX Spectrum version of "More Tea Vicar", which demonstrates the virtual host in action. Just load it up as usual with LOAD"" from within the virtual machine. *Updated 29/03/08* - James has released version 2.03 of this software, now downloadable via the download link. This version features some important bug fixes and improvements. |
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Sub Chase by Woody 25/03/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 16K & ZX Spectrum 48K |
Imagine the scenario, as Jürgen Prochnow and friends remain silent and scared inside their vulnerable U-boat in the depths of the deep blue sea. Recall the endless tension as we rooted for our German heros as they pitted their wits against the allies, until that final heartbreaking scene of DAS BOOT when they were all killed by a ruthless aerial bombardment from the RAF! Nah, instead, chuckle with glee as you mercilessly blow submarines to bits from your magenta bomber. Try not to hit too many friendly targets though! Nice use of pseudo-non-perspective allows for both a wide sea-surface and a depth to the sea within the same contiguous block of colour. Fine flight control is permitted via the use of a throttle and air brakes too. We are being spoilt with features here!
*Updated 26/03/08* - Woody has now supplied a 16K version of his game, also available via the download link. |
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Advanced Coat Getting Adventure Simulator by Steve 26/03/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 16K | Lock yourself in a dark room, and nail it shut with planks of wood. Be sure to stock up on several week's supply of chicken soup. For you are in for a real treat as you enter an uncompromisingly immersive game world and you don't want anything disturbing your concentration. Well OK, I exaggerate perhaps a little, but at least you can relive that moment of embarresment and slight remorse when perhaps you went too far in a forum post one day and had to scurry away after picking up your item of outdoor apparel. |
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The Sudoku Challenge by Gavin Callard 30/03/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 16K & ZX Spectrum 48K |
Man versus machine. Who will ultimately be victorious? I guess that question won't truly be answered until we stand atop the smoking remains of civilisation sometime towards the end of the 21st century. But before SkyNet really does take over, we can at least perform a little light-hearted experiment, pitting the human intellect (that's you by the way) against the white heat of the 1980s technological revolution (i.e. your trusty 16K ZX spectrum). Can the crafty intuition of the human mind overcome the inexorable solving ability of the CPU's brute force method? I hope so, for the sake of humanity.
*Updated 02/04/08* - A HiSoft BASIC compiled version was added to the downloadable zipfile. *Updated 03/04/08* - Gavin sent a newer version of the game, added to the download as "sudoko3.tap". *Updated 07/04/08* - Gavin sent a newer, faster version of the game in both interpreted and complied format, added to the download as SUDOKU7.TAP. Gavin also supplied me with the world famous incredibly difficult Sokoban puzzle "AI Escargot", also available in the file AI-TEST.Z80. This is solved in a mere 16 seconds under JPP on my puny laptop! Note also, the interpreted versions run on a 16K ZX Spectrum. The compiled versions require a 48K ZX Spectrum. Thanks to Albert/DeusX for finding the AI Escargot puzzle, invented by Arto Inkala, and for pointing out that the puzzle is called "AI Escargot", and not "AL Escargot", which seems to be a common misspelling of this puzzle on the Internet! |
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Mini GameZX by Bubu 03/04/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 16K | When Matthew Broderick aka David Lightman dialed into Protovision's mainframe, he went straight for the game of Global Thermonuclear War. But look here at the fun he was potentially missing. Nice very early eighties style green screen graphics, and thoughtfully the in-game instructions are provided in both Spanish and English. This game is really three minigames in one and an interesting twist is that each of the three minigames appear in a completely random order. You genuinely have to have sharp reactions in order to do well at this one. A working SPACE bar and some cups of coffee beforehand is all that you need! |
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Dharma Initiative Swan Station Computer Simulator by Hernàn Pablo Alvarez 11/04/08 Download |
ZX Spectrum 16K | It may pay off to do your homework before playing this nail biting simulation of the Dharma Initiative Swan Station Computer from a recently popular TV series. If you don't know which one, then all may be Lost. The end of the world hangs in the balance and only you can indefinitely prevent this as you have 108 minutes to enter the required string of numbers. The game is rather open ended, meaning once you have entered the numbers you can relive the joy of entering them again, as many times as you wish. Just don't even think of going to bed whilst the game is running though! |
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