CSSCGC 2008 Results

Congratulations to "The Mojon Twins" for winning CSSCGC 2008 with "The Ultimate First Communion Simulator".

Commiserations to "Cruddy Software" for losing it with "Lapland Theme Park Manager".

Again, thanks to all who entered CSSCGC 2008!

You can download the full results textfile here.

Full Results:-

The Ultimate First Communion Simulator 
by Mojon Twins
Filename: ultimate-first-communion-simulator.tzx
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
Score: 9.67	
Ranking: 1st
The winner of CSSCGC 2008 is a game that is fantastically crap! With vivid, 
colourful and detailed block graphics and gameplay and plot that just ooze
originality. It's got a pretty wicked streak of humour too which caused much
hilarity when played with office workmates. But, what makes it hilarious for me
is the final message at what you think is the end of the game, telling the
player that they are still in the game for another 67 years. In effect I am
still playing it now! It has also unsurprisingly been reviewed by
SnakeOilSteve in one of the earlier CSSCGC 2008 tape magazines. 

by Radastan
Filename: crysis.z80
Platform: ZX Spectrum +2 
Score: 9.50
Ranking: 2nd
This game was by far the most popular title of CSSCGC 2008, being mentioned on 
various channels all over the Internet. It certainly caused quite a stir. 
Firstly I should say it is truly amazing and technically brilliant. I never
thought I'd see anything like this attempted, but the game surely works and
it's pretty jaw-dropping to see something like this running on a speccy for the
first time, even if the graphics are naturally blocky. It makes me wonder what
possible things can be achieved even further into the future. People may say,
well DP , this is far too good to be in 2nd place, but I'd have to reply,
"play it" and you will see it is at heart another quintessentially crap gaming

Eat Sh*t! 
by Radastan
Filename: eatshit.z80
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K 
Score: 9.29
Ranking: 3rd
This game is clearly hilarious. You positively can't help but laugh at the
action of the head at the bottom of the screen as it eats the crap and the
simple text comments are just brilliant. I was also amazed by the vast number of
combinations of graphics characters in the program listing needed in order to
give the crap a realistic animation. It only didn't win due to the technically
of it more being like a sh*teating demo than a fully interactive game.
However, half a point was clawed back for the funky haircut on the horizontal
sh*teating maniac at the bottom of the screen. 

by Paul E Collins
Filename: Kabaddi.tzx
Score: 9.01
Ranking: 4th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
A fascinating idea to base a game on Kabaddi, which poses the question "how
would the dynamics of the sport be implemented?".
The cunning idea of using the INPUT command in such a repetitive manner was 
really what made this game truly crap I thought, so bonus points for that. 
Also extra points for the large block graphics reminiscent of many Atari 2600
cartridges. This game made me realise how awful I am at typing! We just
need a "quick brown fox" type game similar to this one now so I can improve my
skills across the whole keyboard! Of course I could have slowed down my typing,
but as this is Kabaddi, I felt the psychological need to keep the pace up whilst

by Mojon Twins
Filename: Turtogas.tzx
Score: 8.76
Ranking: 5th
Platform: ZX Spectrum +2A/+3
I love the intro sounds, reminiscent of a 50's B movie monster flick. Crapness
abounds from the inability of the player sprite to change orientation, the
complete sparseness of the play area, the dodgy collision detection with the
dots. But an extra point is scored for the fact that when all dots are eaten,
you just wonder around the dotless screen for eternity, or until you get killed.
A nice touch and made me laugh anyway. 

Virtual ZX Spectrum 
by James Smith
Filename: virtual2.tap
Score: 8.53
Ranking: 6th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
An exquisite idea, and it actually really works! Certainly, this program has
pushed out the limits of the crap game compo yet again and you can now run crap
games within a crap environment, making them even more crap. I have to ask what
level of motivation does someone have, going to such lengths to code something
so brilliantly crap? 
But then again the CGC relies on such hardcore dedication. This will be one to
remember and we even had a stream of bugfixes and updates for it from the author
who always provides an excellent level of support. 
Target Man - Deluxe Edition
by Gavin Callard
Filename: tmd.zip
Score: 8.47
Ranking: 7th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K/128K/+2/+2A/+3
A solid piece of crap game craftsmanship, and one that goes to the trouble of
detecting which platform it is running on. Ticks all the right boxes in terms of
unnecessary delays and humorous instruction screen. An extra point added for
mentioning the word "bovril" somewhere in the on-screen instructions. Let's
assume that you play the part of Lynda Bellingham trying to drive home from the
supermarket (or was she OXO, I never can remember?). To increase the fun, play
this whilst watching re-runs of "The Sweeney" on ITV4.  
The REAL Phantomas Infinity 
by Mojon Twins
Filename: the-real-phantomas-infinity.tzx
Score 8.42
Ranking: 8th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
Yes, I did it! I got to level 42 so I then went to dig out my old unofficial 
"Level 42" T-shirt from the eighties, but it had been long since gone missing. 
Great crap idea to have an "infinite" number of levels, however I'm questioning 
if there really is an integer variable integer variable wraparound so that if
you played this game until the Sun went supernova, would it reset back to zero? 
Funny thing is you actually get quite skilful at playing the game after ten
minutes or so. The game scores very well due to total lack of in-game objects
(and objectives) also its ability to foster an atmosphere of despair, but in an
oh so colourful way! 

by Woody
Filename: scumball2.tap
Score: 8.40
Ranking: 9th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
Now this one really is neat and any self respecting machine code hobbyist must
gape in awe at this. Embedding the entire machine code for the game and the
stack and variables too in the lower part of the screen must rank as something 
to make you say.. "ecky thump! that's really neato..". Just think - a full game
inside a .SCR file! You could upload the game and the screenshot to the WoS
archives in one single upload operation and then earn yourself a cup of tea with
the time saved. Again the game features overly good graphics and sprite routines
from Woody, even if the playability is at CGC standards. But it's impossible not
to be impressed with the whole concept. Woody even provided a POKE for this one
which will no doubt end up in the Tipshop at some point!

Bubble Fight
by Arda
Filename: BubbleFight01.zip
Score: 8.39
Ranking: 10th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
As I reviewed this one for the Dec tape mag, it's really no secret that I liked
As mentioned in the review itself this sort of thing really oozes a wholesome
crapness, but IMHO of that peculiar variety that hopefully will be more
forthcoming in the future crap game compos. 
Not just that I actually enjoy the bubble sort game, but the "vicious panda"
character really does give some extra amusement. 
Surely a speccy game character to go down in a "top 100" game character list
along with Dizzy the Egg, the slightly less famous Pippo and Gordon the Alien.
The bubble sort algorithm was lifted from a type-in book - good to see someone
is still using these type-ins even if it is just for the CGC.  

ultimate eye surgery simulator
by Dr BEEP
Filename: eye.tap
Score: 8.37
Ranking: 11th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
Think back to the movie "Flight of the Navigator", remember the scene where our
young protagonist is within the alien spaceship (and life form) and he is
introduced to all manner of creatures from around our galactic neighbourhood and
beyond. Well, one of those creatures is a rather large eye, which actually
screams "eye-eye-eye-eye" in English when disturbed. This is the basis for this
game from Dr BEEP. Actually it isn't but I was reminded of this nevertheless.
I mean the eye is just so huge! As previously mentioned it is reminiscent of
operation games such as "Life & Death" on the ST/Amiga and others (actually were
there any others?). If you can overcome any squeamishness you may have or fear
of hospitals, then it's a satisfying and highly unique little diversion for a
few minutes. 

Multiload Hangman 
by Paul E Collins 
Filename: multiload_hangman.zip
Score: 8.35
Ranking: 12th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
Frightened as I was by this game's on-screen insistence that I do not use any
loading acceleration in my emulator, I did the right thing and booked a day off
work in order to playtest it. (Not really but I think I was off this day anyway,
fortunately!) After three and a half hours or so of watching Space 1999 DVDs,
whilst keeping one eye on the game loading, it was apparent that my chosen word
begin with 'M' or thereabouts. I lost the game in the end, but I needed to,
since I had to get a decent screenshot of the hangman. Then of course I realised
later that the author had already thoughtfully supplied an in-game screenshot.
Nice original concept, so I give this one a high score. I think it will go down
as the largest title (in bytes) ever submitted to ANY CGC competition to date.
Martin Kelner's Scissors Paper Stone
by Guesser
Filename: MKSPS.zip 
Score: 8.34
Ranking: 13th
Platform: ZX Spectrum +2A/+3 
This game is crap on so many levels, it's frightening. First of all, the spectre
of local radio late night shenanigans is let loose into the CSSCGC which is
bound to "hit the ground running" when it comes to crap achievements. 
It's an almost surreal translation of something that was perhaps lost in
translation even in the original format and a seriously stale joke to boot.
The hand animation at the beginning (presumably the element which requires the
+2A/+3 hardware) is just awesome, being even too funky for Gaz Top. 
A well deserved high crapness score, and a Radio Leeds car sticker and balloon 
to Guesser! 

Stay on the Road 
by Mulder
Filename: StayOnTheRoad.tap
Score: 8.30
Ranking: 14th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
Now, that's what I call crap volume 1! A fine example of a game that has you
"on the road to nowhere". A good crapness idea to have the green road effect
obscure the player's car sprite at regular intervals and also have certain
long, sharp corners seem almost impossible to escape from. You've just gotta
love that extra touch of the block-graphic solitary cloud hanging in the sky.
Indeed, a perfect day for driving towards the seemingly unreachable distant
metropolis! Outrun it ain't, but for the crap game compo, it's just what the
doctor ordered! 

The Boat of Doom 
by Graz
Filename: THE_BOAT.Z80 
Score: 8.25
Ranking: 15th
ZX Spectrum 128K 
The in-game mechanics of this one would probably give "Sqij" a run for its
money in the crapness stakes. 
Brownie points earned for general sluggishness, no mention of the in-game keys
prior to or during play. But the piece d'resistance is the suspension of the
main game loop during the firing of the boat's torpedo. Excellent "riveted
plates" on the left hand side of the screen almost reminiscent of high-octane
action titles such as Xenon! Nicely done. A vintage crap entry for sure. 

Didge's Dungeon
by Paul E Collins
Filename: didges_dungeon.tzx 
Score: 8.09
Ranking: 16th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
Sent in by Paul as his self-obligatory 4th crap game of the year. Sing with me 
now "Four crap games in one year...". OK this is actually alright. I played it a
fair bit and got familiar it. Dazzled as I was by the very professionally done 
graphics, I'm also a sucker for any sort of game with puzzle elements and where 
you move a sprite based entity around the screen, trying to solve it on a 
per-level basis. For me it brought back vague memories of Boovie, but of course
this is a totally different game with different rules and mechanics. Too good
for the CGC but welcome it was nonetheless and the high score reflects the 
quality that this title just oozes and serves as a hopeful encouragement for
future CGCs that this is the level of effort that we like to see in the compo! 

Oh My God! 
by A. J. Moss
Filename: god.tap 
Score: 8.08
Ranking: 17th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
Here's another one that's actually quite good as games go. I've certainly spent
many a weekend in my youth entering enormous type-ins into various 8-bit
computers with the end result seldom looking as good as this graphically. It is
a long time now between the submission of the game and the writing of these
results (almost a year in fact) But IIRC, the author insisted that the game was
nowhere near as good as it should've been - which makes it ideally placed to get
a good score in the CGC as it stands. The "flat top" shaped head of the 
crucified in-game messianic character looked suitably comical for this game and
also the rather amusing use of an aerosol as a weapon just cries out 
originality. I suppose rather predictably, I can't help but think of the "Always
look on the bright side of life" tune when playing it.
Text-Only Grand-Prix 2009 
by bobs
Filename: TOGP.tzx 
Score: 7.97
Ranking: 18th
ZX Spectrum 16K 
This is certainly an artisan entry in the annals of the CGC. The thrills and
spills of F1 racing completely neutered in the form of a text-only 
boredom-athon. More than just a quick gag though, in this game each individual 
track layout has been painstakingly entered into DATA statements in the pursuit 
of an accurate and realistic text simulation. I just love the use of FLASH 
attribute on the chequered flags on the track selection screen. Make your way 
around one or two of the tracks by all means but a quest to play every track 
would only be attempted by the insane.

Mini GameZX 
by Bubu
Filename: MINIGAMEZX.z80 
Score 7.88
Ranking: 19th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
This is a good example of a crap game. A nice green screen retro feel, and some 
unique gaming ideas. Three minigames in one is a bit of a novelty in the CSSCGC,
so nice effort. Of course all games are suitably crap, and there's not a 
tremendous replay value. However, the games do run shockingly fast. In fact, a
bit too fast for a crap game, we just don't expect such well optimised coding
around these parts! Bubu clearly needs to study the source code from 
"Un-space Invaders" by Apenao in order to "crap-up" his graphics routines a bit

Ultimate Jetpack Simulator 2008
by Mulder
Filename: UltimateJetpackSim08.tap 
Score: 7.85
Ranking: 20th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
A nice little exercise in infinite futility appears as you guide what I
initially though was a pregnant woman down an un-ending tunnel. Oh no, wait
that's not a expectant mother, it's the rocket booster strap making a bulge over
the player character's belly! Truly though I was impressed, this is the sort of
thing they would have loved to put in the Cassette 50 compilation, of that I
have no doubt. We also know this one has depth, because (a) it takes place under
the ground and (b) it starts to get difficult by level 21! In any case, Mulder
is no doubt glad he wrote this one, after all it did win the CSSCGC 2008 raffle. 

by Garry Wishart
Filename: Elfen.zip 
Score: 7.84
Ranking: 21st
Platform: ZX Spectrum 128K/+2 
A colourful visual treat awaits the player, as you play a God controlling the
elemental forces of the game world. Watch the green beings suffer or thrive
according to your choices. The game ticks many of the boxes expected of a crap
game entry, including outrageously poor spelling and grammar and also a nice if 
wholly irrelevant captured intro screenshot, so overall a very respectable
score. You've also just got to love the "Press Some Key" method of proceeding
through the instructions. Yes, which key this time?

Hammy Time 
by mulder
Filename: Hammy_Time_v1.2.tap 
Score: 7.82
Ranking: 22nd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
This game is great. We can overlook the fact that Hammy the Hamster looks like a
circus trained cat in this one, because it is just so darn enjoyable and
colourful into the bargain too - the crap fun factor is high in this one. 
Although I fear if this was submitted for inclusion on the original cascade
tape, the prompt response would have been "Sorry, but we already filled our
quota of one good game - "frogger", we are looking for 49 crap games. Tell you
what, this one'll be a budget £1.99 release all of its own - how's that sound?" 

Knot in 2D
by BloodBaz
Filename: Knot_in_2D.tzx 
Score: 7.80 
Ranking: 23rd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
Out of BloodBaz's two entries this year, this is by far the best crap effort. 
Guide your swiftly moving pixel around the screen avoiding hitting its own path
or the edges of the play area. Perhaps the code could be adapted to make an 
etch-a-sketch simulator? Clever intro screen which for a second tricks the user 
into thinking they may be starting a 3D game, before "3D" changes to "2D" with 
an accompanying low frequency BEEP sound. Brings us right back down to Earth
with a bump like any crap game should do! 
Verdict: A fair effort, but when held up against "Advanced PURPLE loading 
simulator" it can only be described as pure genius! 

Un-Space Invaders
by Apenao
Filename: UNSPACE.TZX 
Score: 7.79
Ranking: 24th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
Quite a respectable crapness rating for this one. The player is initially left
confused as to what to do apart from moving aimlessly around the screen in the
midst of the ongoing interplanetary battle and the frame rate is suitably low 
for an invaders game written in BASIC. What really pushed this game up the 
scoreboard though is the graphic routine which only allows you to see the alien
sprites for about half the time, as they are rubbed out during the other half.
Well done! Nice "alternative" game concept also. At least the UDGs are finely
detailed and gleefully colourful.
Improved Advanced 16K Spectrum Emulator 
by Andrew Owen, Dr BEEP & James Smith
Filename: ImpAdv16KSpecEm.zip 
Score: 7.78
Ranking: 25th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
This little known deep underground coding triumvirate (a.ka. "Tres Hombres")
have done it again, sneaking this 12-byter out onto an unsuspecting compo
spectatorship. In fact, if you can excuse the difficulty I was faced with on
writing an entire paragraph on a twelve byte piece of code, I don't really have
anything additional to say about this one apart from it does exactly what the
BASIC version does, is about a million times faster at filling high-memory and
has been expertly byte crunched by our optimising friends. The machine code
trick used is one for the books though - use the source, Luke. It is a little
known fact, but the ultimate 2008 crap game experience can be had by using this
program to step through all of the 16K games in the compo and find out which
ones work under it yet had missing UDGs in 48K mode (not that I ever did this).

Hunchback '08 
by Andrew Owen
Filename: hb8.z80 
Score: 7.77
Ranking: 26th
Platform: Timex TC2048 & Spectrum SE
Ahh, the CGC '99 - a vintage year. The original version of this game was
developed for that one. We are now of course all a little older, a little wiser
- but a damn sight more colo(u)rful. As "The Who" might have sung - "hope I die
before I use per-line colour attributes". But not in this case as the intro
screen will surely blow your tights off. The game itself is a typical hunchback 
affair, yet no worse than a similar Dragon 32 cartridge a firend of mine once
paid good money for.
Enjoy this all ye followers of the Timex- for this is your reward for possessing
extra graphics capabilities. The reason, no-one else out there wrote anything
else for it - apart from some BASIC extensions. (Although, seriously, I bet they
did, but I don't know of it - I never did spy through the keyhole of the Timex

by compiuter
Filename: GoatFall.tzx 
Score: 7.76
Ranking: 27th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K 
This is certainly a crap game, and for all the right reasons. As you push the
goat off the bell tower, the pitch of the BEEP increases as it falls. As the
goat is moving downwards, I can't help but sit there and think "the BEEP pitch
should decrease!" Add in a dramatic long wait for the "goat verdict" (like in
some reality TV game show) and also the fact that the player has no control over
the game whatsoever apart from pressing a single key (a lá "Eat Shit!") make
this game achieve a respectable crapness score. A nice touch is the text screen
describing the history of the goat throwing practice in this area of Spain. I've
never seen anything like that sort of "Tourist Information Board" in a crap game
before!  I should point out as it is mentioned in the game that this
historical tradition has now been superseded by the throwing of a cardboard
Escape from Niburon Prime
by Woody
Filename: Escape_from_Niburon_Prime.tap 
Score: 7.75
Ranking: 28th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K/128K 
Yet another showcase of Woody's advanced machine code skills and trickery.
Marvel at the spaceflight segment, followed by the part where you have to escape
a seemingly invisible maze on the planet's surface. Ho ho, you might exclaim! 
"That's a funny gag, the maze is invisible. This is comedy genius, I must say." 
But therein lies yet another twist unbeknownst to the casual player as I once 
You see, revealing the secrets of this game is rather like peeling layers from
an onion - i.e it may make you want to cry. Play this on either a real speccy or
on the most recent versions of SpecEmu and you will actually see the maze become
perfectly visible - due to some little known quirk causing colour1 PAPER on 
colour2 INK to have slightly different intensity than colour2 PAPER on colour1
INK! So think of this one as firstly a game, but secondly and emulator tester.
Good score awarded due to this neat technical trick. 

Don't Lose Your Head 
by Woody
Filename: Dont_lose_your_head.szx  
Score: 7.74
Ranking: 29th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
Again, top quality graphics and m/c sprite routines give an air of
professionalism to this title which is on the face of it a crap gaming
experience, yet a very funny one. Somehow this game is evocative of many cheesy 
sci-fi B-move flicks from the 80's and you just have to admire the attention to 
detail. I feel that if Woody got all of the best bits of his crap games together
and sorted them out into some sort of coherent plan, there'd be an actual good
game in there somewhere! This one entertained me for a while as I dreamt up
countless amusing backstories for it. On the second pass of judging I was again
taken aback by the artistic quality of the graphics and the absolutely perfect
sprite drawn routines - so not quite crap enough for the top ten for example!

Mr Yellow meets mr Cyan
by Stefano Bodrato
Score: 7.73
Ranking: 30th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
A pretty entertaining effort. Nice use of inappropriate, yet vivid colours,
happily smashing the age old rule of only using dark objects on light
backgrounds. Nice, tense atmosphere to the game. I can almost imagine those
Mexican trombones playing as the game edges its way towards the final chilling
climax. Is there still honour in death? There was even room in the 2x1 UDG
graphics for the author to add a tiny but much appreciated gun belt! 
Aah, it is indeed the little things that matter! Extra points awarded for
such fine attention to detail.

Silent Letter Shootout 
by bigjon
Filename: sls.tzx  
Score: 7.72
Ranking: 31st
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
Good crapness here, reliving the days when all children feared any game title
that was marketed as educational. Of course as soon as dad's back was turned,
the speccy would be reset and Daley Thompson's Decathlon would instead be
loaded up. Mercifully it is a quick game, and with a limited number of words. 
One extra crap point scored for the fact that the letters don't get deleted off
the top row of the screen, and just stick there if they miss the spaceship
target. A lot of people thought it was amusing that Jeff GoldBlum defeated the
alien invaders with an Apple Mac - we all know he really should have been
armed with a ZX Spectrum!

Identity Parade 
by Woody
Filename: IdentityParade.szx  
Score: 7.71
Ranking: 32nd
ZX Spectrum 48K 
Woody's superb rendering of urban United States during the first phase of this
game gets everything right. The dollar signs in the shop Window. The
motorcyclist driving (just about) on the right of the road. This also is a retro
game with traits of far more modern games. Because, what we basically have here
is a non-interactive cutscene. As for the interactive part of the game, well
it's a quick gag meaning success is again in the hands of pseudo random elements.
Or at least I think it is. I can't be totally sure, as I don't think I ever
actually won the game. In any case - a reasonable score for the time and effort
- the graphics are indeed memorable and really just of outrageously high
quality I have to say. 

Helen 'nnngggghhh' Keller's Super Off-Road Racer 
by Anne 'Two taps' Sullivan
Filename: hkorf.tap 
Score: 7.70
Ranking: 33rd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K 
This one caused much distraction in the workplace when workmates started playing
it. For those who didn't know who she was, Helen Keller was quickly Googled for
followed shortly thereafter by a rapid scan of her Wikipedia article.
A solid representation of what it is like to lose the sense of sight is
frighteningly realised here in this brutally all-too-real simulation.
It can only end in tears - and I hope that's not tears of laughter you
heartless bunch! The loading screen needs framing and sticking in the Tate.

Road Crosser 
by Woody
Filename: RoadCrosser.szx 
Score: 7.69
Ranking: 34th
ZX Spectrum 48K 
Horace goes skiing without the skiing (or Horace). Instead the protagonist
consists of a rather helpless stick-man stranded on the wrong side of the road.
8 lanes of identical cars mercilessly stream past. This is a sort of "Warhol" of
Frogger type games. The repetition - it's almost a social commentary on how
everyone's lives have become the same in this endless daily grind, but just
where on Earth are all those cars going? It can be quite tricky this one if you
are little impatient So sit back and get a feel for the timing and eventually
you can master this game. Subsequently, you may become super confident and
start darting across multiple lanes in one fell swoop. Eventually though it will
end in a fatality I'm sorry to say. 

200. Yes, 200 but with da big balls
by Apenao
Filename: 200.TZX 
Score: 7.68
Ranking: 35th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
I like these little mini-game submissions, because if you dislike one of the
mini games then you can always move onto the next one and dislike that one too!
This title has the restriction that you can only get into the later mini-games,
having earned it by playing the earlier ones first. 
Crickey, I must watch "300" at some point although I've had it in my film 
collection for ages I haven't got around to watching it just yet. I have to say 
though that some time and effort has clearly gone into making this game, for 
which the CGC is grateful. Also I like the way each mini game is coloured 
differently (And quite colourful they are too) and there are some nicely done 
UDG graphics. Yet, the game is steadfastly loyal to the realm of crapdom. 
So pat yourself on the back Apenao - a pretty good score. 
by steve
Filename: rps.tap 
Score: 7.62 
Ranking: 36th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
A good showcase for demonstrating some of the capabilities of using Z88DK over
pure BASIC. The sliding screens found in the game look undeniably slick and the
block graphics are vibrant and supremely well drawn. 
Great effort with superbly drawn screens (Including those of the Pacman games,
which to me is always a welcome addition). Also thought it was a nice touch that
this game is specifically branded with a CGC '08 screen. Could've scored higher 
in the crapness stakes if written in BASIC, but I'm so glad it wasn't as the
resultant game is actually much better, having a real "Video Game" feel about
it. I can almost image playing this one in a MAME cabinet or something.
Seriously, nice work!

Advanced Betting Simulator 2008
by Gavin Callard
Filename: HRS.Z80
Score: 7.54
Ranking: 37th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
A considerable effort must've gone into generating the large number of comical
horse and race names. However the fact that the horse graphics are just too 
professional and the correct racing colour of green was used make the game too
"good". Perhaps if the official crap game colour of magenta were employed,
the score could've been increased by half a point. Thankfully though, the score
was boosted by incorrectly rounding pounds and pence and by requiring awkward
key presses to advance the game. Of course there are also the instructions,
which have the gall to refer to the player as "You sad git". How did he know,
is there a webcam in here or something?

The Ark in Space 
by Graz
Filename: ark_in_space.Z80 
Score: 7.49
Ranking: 38th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
OK, this is one of those games that made me really glad I did two passes of 
judging in this compo! For many of the entries I more or less got it right on
the first pass, but this game took a little bit longer for me to suss out.
When I played it for the first time, I admit I didn't have a clue what was going
on. On subsequent plays I got a bit further with it, getting all the way up to
"LOCATE INFRASTRUCTURE". The graphics on the space station in orbit around the
planet are superb as are the those of the enemies such as the Wirrn. A decent
crap game effort, featuring chip music on the intro screen. It's always a
pleasure for us fans of old series "Who" to combine that hobby with retro gaming
which doesn't happen all that often! Another amusing touch is that the 
"Instructions" are actually the backstory rather than the instructions which is
possibly why I didn't immediately "get it" on my first attempt at playing it!

by Chris Young
Filename: ufo.tap
Score: 7.38
Ranking: 39th
ZX Spectrum: ZX Spectrum 16K 
Inspired by the classic game "UFO: Enemy Unknown", this apparently hastily put
together entry is rather hilarious. Taking less than an hour to write according
to Chris, the game nevertheless retains that air of mischievous "off the wall"
humour and jokey cynicism that characterise many of his other works.
First judging pass I wrote:-
"As I write this though I enter a state of mild panic as I realise that the
compo isn't halfway though yet, and in one previous year Chris submitted 14 
games to the CGC. How the heck am I still going to find interesting (or even
dull for that matter) comments to write about on that many possible further
games? Let's hope he doesn't do that to me! "
Second judging pass:-
"Phew, looks like things turned out fine just after all no matter how many
games were sent in, but why do I still keep getting recurring nightmares
featuring UFOs?"
More Tea Vicar 
by Gavin Callard
Filename: MTV.zip
Score: 7.26
Ranking: 40th 
Platform: ZX80 1K, ZX81 16K, Cambridge Z88, Jupiter ACE, ZX Spectrum 16K
	& Sinclair QL
The game is certainly crap, but hey if it's good enough for a mainstream TV 
channel, then it's crap enough for us! You just can't underestimate the glee I
had as I undertook the surreal experience of having to playtest the game many
times, not least on the Cambridge Z88 when I knew nothing about that platform 
until last year. So, I admire the style of this multi-platform release. 
Educational it was too, from an emulation learning standpoint. The game has
probably resulted in the creation of many more machine categories in the CSSCGC
than any previous game before it, so for that at least it will be well
Also, it begs the question "What was the most useful piece of software released
for the Z88?" Was it this, or did it have a huge underground p*rn market?
We never did get a Sam Coupe version though. Talk about seriously missed
opportunities! tut tut. To be fair though, I believe there was an issue with
keyboard mappings on the Sam Coupe emulator on Gavin's PC. 
And so, the CGC remains "Sam Coupe-less" for another year.
In any case, kudos for writing the FORTH version for the Jupiter ACE, one of
only two crap games ever (intentionally) written for that platform in its entire
history! I also believe this to be the only ever crap game entry for the
"Sinclair QL". Brilliant, and hence this oversized write-up. Just don't let 
actually playing the game spoil all of these CGC-firsts!

20 Questions 
by Steve(spt)
Filename: 20Q.zip
Score: 7.25
Ranking: 41st
Platform: Jupiter ACE 
The main question is how this program works internally? Certain words seem to
generate a positive response whereas most words give a negative answer. I never
did get around to examining the FORTH source to reveal the complex machinations
or otherwise "under the bonnet" on this one. How intelligent can a Jupiter ACE
become? Nevertheless, the game is undoubtedly crap, and I give it a good score,
because the author kindly bailed me out when I had a rather silly looking ACE
arcade page with only a single game in it! 
Again, this will go down as only one of two crap games for the Jupiter ACE
submitted to the CGC, since as we all know it is not actually a Sinclair
machine. Certainly it is a "Sinclair derivative", although one which went down
its own development path, thanks to FORTH!
Will ACE games ever be allowed in the CGC again? I don't honestly know, but it
was good to have them on board in this experimental CSSCGC 2008!
Since I played this game, I was introduced to another web based 20 questions
game. This made me realise that this submission is like that web game, but with
human and CPU roles amusingly reversed. 
The only "secret" I have found so far in this program is that the delete key
doesn't work - so watch out for that and type carefully!

The Eric Morcambe Catching Invisible Things in a Bag Simulator 
by Ben Rapier
Filename: EMCITIABS.z80
Score: 7.23
Ranking: 42nd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 128K/+2 
A nice diversion I found this, after seemingly endless onslaught of previously
reviewed pure-text entries and/or with "Simulator" in their title. Oops, I just
noticed, this one also had "Simulator" in the title, still it has no lawnmowers
in it, unless of course one of the things caught in the bag is an invisible
model lawnmower. Anyway - the game is one which alludes to some distant popular
culture of some years ago, and is completely impossible to play - so another one
for CGC purists. Sweet. The "bag" also makes me want to go out and drink a pint
of Guinness, in fact more so than most of the currently unfathomable Guinness TV
ads. Nice use of small font text driver, which was unexpected!
Twenty Commodes 
by James Smith
Filename: vic20-177.zip
Score: 7.20
Ranking: 43rd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 128K & ZX Spectrum 48K 
With this one, Jimmy managed to exceed even his own usual standards, by breaking
new ground with this VIC-20 emulator for the speccy. I have to confess to being
addicted to using this one as it re-awakened nostalgia of messing around on my
VIC-20 as a young child. So much so I ended up even developing a couple of
simple BASIC games within the emulated system, not that I should admit this
publicly. Again, it has to be said this program cannot win the competition as
it is by far too good an entry! I gave it a controversial high score though as I
have to respect the achievement even if it was entered into the "wrong" compo. 
Can't be helped though, since there is no compo called "8-bit emulators" as far
as I know. Just a reminder:- this entry is a real emulator, not a joke one! 
Verdict: One for the WoS archive. 

Mode2 Tile Editor 
by Andrew Owen
Filename: Mode2TileEditor.zip
Score: 7.18
Ranking: 44th 
Platform: Timex TC2048 & Spectrum SE
Aah, how I welcomed Timex entries with open arms into CSSCGC 2008 and glad I did
too. Clearly it has added another dimension to the compo this time around. I 
just love those pretty little colourful sprites that appear on the screen on 
loading this one up. Strangely, this reminded me of my days of using the STOS
sprite editor on the Atari ST. This will no doubt be useful to people writing 
Timex games - I infer this by the number of times it was downloaded. My only
disappointment is that no third parties took it upon themselves to employ this
to submit yet another Timex entry, but I guess the number of Timex developers
is but a tiny fraction of speccy developers and alas nothing happened. 
However, who knows if there will ever be some sort of Timex Hunchback sequel? 
It was regrettable that this one could not be made available in the online "crap
game arcade", due to current lack of a Java based Timex emulator.
Anyways, thanks to this program, today I inverted a snake.

Dot Man 
by Woody
Filename: DotMan.szx 
Score: 7.14
Ranking: 45th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
It is crap this one, but in a delightfully retro way. Firstly, you can't die as
far as I know. I was wondering why there weren't any ghosts in this pacman-type
affair. Then I realised that because the play area is blown up (A bit like
zooming in with a microfiche) if there were ghosts then you would not even see
them until they appeared on the adjacent square to the player by which time a
gobbling would be unavoidable. You should clear the maze (which once you have
started, you just have to finish - hunting down those annoying lost last couple
of dots). Then pat yourself on the back and play an exactly identical maze all
over again! 

Rescue Planet Earth
by Woody
Filename: Rescue.tap 
Score: 7.12
Ranking: 46th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 128K/+2 
Due to my previous ramblings on the CGC site, many know I'm a Dr Who fan, 
stubbornly of the old series only. So, there I found myself liking this title
which involves the movement of planet Earth around the galaxy. This actually
happened during the Colin Baker era. I now think I have realised that this
game is set in that era, because the Tardis itself appears wide and chubby, no
doubt accommodating this particular incarnation. Again, you can't fail to be 
impressed at Woody's clear m/c mastery diverted down a CGC avenue, as one can't 
help thinking there's got to be some none-crap games along the pipeline 
somewhere! Fast and yet it is arguably crap gameplay wise, but too darn smooth 
and good, technically speaking. IIRC Woody updated this one with a version that
was much improved and even faster than the original!
The Sudoku Challenge 
by Gavin Callard
Filename: Sudoku.zip 
Score: 7.09
Ranking: 47th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K & ZX Spectrum 48K
The first Sudoku puzzle I threw at this one was solved after 906,105 
iterations, meaning I had to resurrect the hyperfast JPP emulator from 1992 in
order to see the game completed. I calculated that on a real speccy, the puzzle
would have been solved in a little over twelve and a half days. Meaning that if 
you can't beat the computer within that sort of time frame, then you probably do
deserve to lose the game! The brute force algorithm is quite mesmerising to
watch in a fast emulator as the numbers fly back and forth across the screen, 
like there is indeed some diabolical intelligence going on behind the scenes,
although we know it uses a brute force method. Also, it sparked international
interest with avid followers of this entry now meeting annually. (well not quite
but a few e-mails flew around after this one was released, I can tell you!)
by Radastan
Filename: suicida.z80
Score: 7.07
Ranking: 48th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
A game that gets straight to the point. Nothing is wasted, well apart from 90%
of the screen area. But I do like the minimalist approach taken by the author.
Dark humour is always bound to score quite well and the game is "open ended" 
with no predetermined end to the "fun". The "death sequence" whilst a potential
stress buster could have really benefited from just a little variety, perhaps
extending the longevity of the title. I somehow feel that the potential of this
game idea was never fully realised. Clearly the game takes place in a rural 
setting with a green field and a wheat field providing a serene backdrop to the
deathly antics of the suicidal maniac. Will there ever be a city version made?

Boofy 3 
by Slider
Filename: BOOFY_3.rar  
Score: 7.06
Ranking: 49th 
Platform: ZS Scorpion 256K
First impressions show this machine code game as something a bit better than
most crap game entries, since it boasts parallax scrolling and sprite routines,
however once you start to play it, you realise that it is truly a crap game. 
The pure torture of having to walk at a slow pace for 1000 in-game kilometres is
something akin to attempting the London marathon whilst walking only on your
knees. You cannot jump over the enemies and when you die you lose a life and 
you have to wait several seconds before resuming play due to an overlong "death"
subroutine. Overall a fair crap game, and appropriately in the TRD format. An
antidote to Sonic the Hedgehog for sure, so break out your Scorpion compatible
emulator tonight!

by Chris Young
Filename: fluke.tap
Score: 7.05
Ranking: 50th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K 
Loved the reckless randomness of the PAPER and INK colours, which meant I was
blessed with an almost illegible white text on yellow screengrab for the
website. It is legible if you squint both eyes, and don't mind suffering a
thumping migraine later on in the day. Good use of familiar British place names
helps build the atmosphere in this exceedingly crass game. I don't watch much TV
anymore, but if I did, I bet this program is on most weekdays. Barring it being
taken off the air due to an unexpected large scale war, celebrity wardrobe
malfunction or some similar disaster. My God, that spinner just goes round and
round until you are about ready to give up on the game and then about another
minute longer. Cheers for that patience-testing element - I just cleaned a fish
tank out whilst waiting for it to finish!  

Game of the Yet to come
by Apenao
Filename: yettocome.tzx 
Score: 7.04
Ranking: 51st
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K 
Excellent! Spooky loading screen sets the tone for what I think is going to be
some really mysterious "Twilight Zone" style capers. Imagine the hilarity that
ensues as this game is really a set of instructions in how to assault your
opponent in traditional slapstick style. Multiplayer only unless you are some
sort of masochist who likes to apply pain to themselves. Actually, you are
interested in the CGC and are reading this. Therefore you must be a masochist! 
Joyous overuse of the FLASH attribute and vivid colours makes the text-jumbled
screens enough to give anyone a headache, but that's nothing compared to the
headache you'll get if you actually play it as "player 2". 

Advanced Lawnmower Starter Simulator 2
by Steve 'sparkes' Parkes
Filename: lawnmower2.sna
Score: 7.03
Ranking: 52nd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
Clearly this game has to be given a slightly higher score than it's predecessor,
as it is a sort of de-luxe, refined version. The electric starter does all of
the work for you, so no effort need be expended by repeatedly tapping the
keyboard. A superb game for anyone who is bone-idle, and again you've just got
to love the futility of it. The sound effects are top-notch proving once and for
all that the BEEPER is the ultimate digital sound system! Of course we
expected nothing less after playing the prequel. What can I say, other than 
great for people in a hurry. You can play this one over a bowl of coco-pops
in the morning! 
Crap Games Competition - The Adventure 2008
by Firelord
Filename: CrapGamesCompetitionTheAdventure2008.zip
Score: 7.02
Ranking: 53rd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K 
A nice "meta game", where I found I could play the part of myself, "Digital 
Prawn", but that would have made it too easy for me. 
So I played as "blood" instead. I can only assume that Firelord
managed to build up a psychological and personality evaluation of each Judge,
in order to give this game a sense of heightened realism. Was this done from
reading form posts and scanning websites, or were phone-taps and surveillance
equipment involved too? It doesn't get any more CSSCGC-centric than this!
Sim City: The Text Adventure 
by Unsatisfactory Software
Filename: simcity.tzx
Score: 7.01
Ranking: 54th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K 
Billed as retaliation from last year's judges for my sins committed in 
CSSCGC 2007, this game whilst being pretty damn bad isn't the absolute torture
it was designed to be. It comes pretty close though. Mention of anything to do
with Russel Bland is enough to make some of us as nauseous as a first time space
tourist, so it does succeed at least on that level! Nice use of dark blue on a
black background and "scroll?" messages pervading during gameplay adds to the
general feeling that some genuine effort was spent on trying to screw things up,
perhaps it could have been screwed up even more! Of course, not as much as 
Russell Brand himself did after this was submitted. Uncanny that!

UK101 emulator & MTV - 70's style 
by James Smith (includes MTV by Gavin Callard)
Filename: UK101-More.zip 
Score: 7.00
Ranking: 55th
Platform:  Timex TC2048, ZX Spectrum 128K, ZX Spectrum 48K
This is the great thing about the CGC, two people collaborate to bring this
quite unique entry to our attention. In fact I'll be judging this one purely 
as James' entry but credit must be given to Gavin Callard for taking on the 
challenge of porting his game to this obscure emulated platform! 
To clarify - Jimmy solely wrote the emulator, Gavin Callard solely wrote the
MTV game that runs on top of it.
As for the emulator itself, again it's a real genuine emulator and another 
technically impressive feat from Jimmy who has now built himself a reputation of
entering titles that are far too good for the the CGC. Of course we really enjoy
playing them anyway. I never even knew what a "UK101" was until this one was
Best played on a Timex to view all of the text columns of the emulated machine.
Verdict: Good stuff, but please something crap as well for the next CGC just so
we know you can make something crap! 

by Arda
Filename: cargame.zip  
Score: 6.99
Ranking: 56th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
In the UK, motorways, major highways and regional and national trunk roads are
maintained 100% by the highways agency and are generally kept in very good 
condition. Other A-roads, B-roads and unclassified roads however are funded to 
varying degrees by local councils and the results are unpredictable to say the 
least. Some of them are strewn with potholes, as depicted in this game. The 
ASCII-rendered car and road makes this exactly the sort of game that would be 
found in many type-in listings books, back in the day. Watch the road ahead or 
you may find the wheels come off. It's crap in its own way and yet somehow quite
playable so a reasonably good score awarded. Please note also that this game is
around twenty-four years old as I write this!

Advanced 10 PRINT "Hello " 20 GO TO 10 Simulator
by Shaun Bebbington
Filename: PRINT''HELLO''.zip  
Score: 6.98
Ranking: 57th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
Well, this one amused someone enough that they wrote another game based on it.
Not the first time this happened in CSSCGC 2008. Who'd have thought the compo
would be such a source of erm.. creative inspiration, yes, that's it. What ever
else may be said about this title, no-one can accuse it of lacking in features.
Although if I remember correctly, someone actually did just that, bemoaning the
lack of a BRIGHT feature. Still, the "Test Parameters" option is something that
was thoughtfully provided in a mission-critical app like this - albeit in this 
case the "Test Parameters" option is the actual program itself. For CGC purists,
note the misspelling of "program", an easily missed final touch.

The Skier 
by Woody
Filename: The_Skier.szx
Score: 6.97
Ranking: 58th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
As the Who may well have sung in an alternative universe:- "I've looked under
chairs, I've looked under tables. I've tried to find the key To fifty million
fables: They call him The Skier....  I've been searching low and high.... I 
won't get to get what I'm after Till the day I die!". Apart from that what can I
say? It's another vertically scrolling skiing game in which the trees seem to 
individually "walk" up the hillside, out of sync with each other. Excellent
insane grin on the face of the large headed magenta protagonist. Skiing 
shouldn't be that much fun, well not unless your skiing pants are on slightly 
too tight. 
Advanced Lawnmower Starter Simulator - The petrol edition
by Steve 'sparkes' Parkes
Filename: als-petrol.sna
Score: 6.96
Ranking: 59th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
I liked this one. After looking at the code, I did enjoy the author's attention
to detail. Namely the realistic sound effects of a frustrated engine (written in
assembler), but mostly the fact that the game really does give the player a 
1:1000 chance of winning the game. I have still not completed this one yet. 
One day, one day! How many lawnmower games is that so far, erm.. I've lost count
at this point. Inevitably, this one ranks lower than the deluxe edition, or it
just wouldn't be right!

Mushroom Man 
by Hajo Spuunup
Filename: Mushroom.zip 
Score: 6.95
Ranking: 60th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
This game is based on a Windows puzzle game of the same name, by Paul E Collins.
It is absolutely not crap. Even during the judging of this game I got carried
away and ended up completing the first twenty levels or so. If a game is this
addictive to a puzzle freak like myself and also has charming UDG colour 
characters then it will forever be remembered as a good game and fondly so. 
If logic dictated the scoring system of this compo, then I'd give it a really 
low crapness score. However I instead chose to give this higher score out of 
respect for the effort involved that must have gone into this. The speccy
scene needs more games like this and I not really talking about the CGC!

Advanced Fruit Machine Simulator
by Woody
Filename: Fruit2.szx 
Score: 6.94
Ranking: 61st
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
What we have here is a carefully crafted game which certainly takes me back
nostalgically to the early eighties when I could barely see the pale yellow
lemons on my black'n'white telly as I attempted to play similar games back then.
Behold, the addition of the HOLD feature almost doubling up the fun-factor as
Woody submitted the second version of this title. Dr BEEP had pointed out he
likes his reels spinning in the opposite direction and so Woody kindly obliged
and the result is this version which I judged. The game is crap because the reel
"scrolling" is discrete and not done at the pixel level so a tip of the hat for
getting that wrong (I mean right in the context of the CGC of course). 
Play till you run out of money (unlikely) or patience in which case you may well
decide to reset your speccy with 2p still in the game balance (tut tut). 
Advanced 10 PRINT "HELLO "; 20 GOTO 10 Simulator 128K Edition 
by Ben Rapier
Filename: A10P20G10.z80 
Score: 6.93
Ranking: 62nd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
The first of Mr Rapier's double whammy and another reminder that 48K-only
owners are missing out on a lot of fun here! 
You will take to the "game" itself like a duck to water, particularly if 
you are familiar with the Sinclair BASIC environment. Needs the RAMDISK to work,
making it somewhat of a skilful investigation into "how to do less with more". 
Ultimately, though the flexibility of this title is only limited by the
imagination of the human participant, and by the Speccy's ULA. Oh yes, large
print font on the intro screen. We like resized text tricks like those ones in
our "advanced speccy programming" books - Goodo. 

Advanced Lawn Mower Simulator+ Expansion Pack
by Arda
Filename: alspluspack.zip 
Score: 6.92
Ranking: 63rd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
I have an inexplicable enthusiasm for game add-ons. So, imagine the joy I
experienced as I inserted this game tape and then downloaded and inserted the
original lawnmower tape. Playing this add on game with ease. Nice of Arda to
provide the user with the WoS download link to the original game, functional at
the time of writing. Will there be lifetime support on this if the link ever
changes I wonder? Anyway, can't say I was blown away with what the add on
offers, but it gave me half a titter. Well done on thinking up the "add-on"
idea though.

by Woody
Filename: CrapBot.tap 
Score: 6.91
Ranking: 64th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
Ironic that this is the title that Woody went all out on to try and lose the
compo. I know this depends on the judge, but for CSSCGC2008 (as it was also last
year), the games that lose the compo are "five minute affairs". I should know,
I wrote one of them 2007 which is why I am sitting here writing this now. 
This one of course is actually quite good with a real-time user-rotatable
isometric display. Flawless animated graphics and a real sense 
of purpose. Of course you are going to think "Ant Attack" when you see it, but
the sprites are completely re-drawn and the game effectively a completely
different one. This means I'll just have to give it a reasonable score (not too
high, not too low). I know that Woody wanted to either win the compo or lose it
I just hope that by ranking this game almost in the middle of the ordering does
not maximise his disappointment!

Redefine Keys The Adventure 2008 
by Firelord
Filename: ZXRedifineKeyboard-Theadventure_v2.zip  
Score: 6.90
Ranking: 65th
ZX Spectrum 16K 
A thoughtful prominent spelling mistake appears in this send up of the perennial
agitation caused by overly complicated "define keys" screens. This entry takes
the concept to a stupendously frustrating level. I may have been tempted to name
this one "Redefine Keys The Ordeal 2008", as for me use of the word "Adventure" 
somehow conjures up mental images of an apple and a loaf of bread in a knapsack
and the slaying of an orc with a silver sword. I don't think you can possibly 
win this game, but after several minutes of playing I'd say that my willpower
had been sufficiently drained to the point where I just wanted to escape it. So,
job well done in that respect!

Ultimate Anger Simulator 
by The Mojon Twins
Filename: Anger_Simulator.rar 
Score: 6.66
Ranking: 66th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
This game is quite evil, but in a completely humorous way and funnily enough
it has an approximate natural score of 6.66. Don't be breaking your keyboard
over it though, as I can imagine the knowing laughter of the Mojon Twins as they
put this game together. Nice little jape at the expense of the player and
vividly realised background graphics to boot. Perhaps it should be called 
"Ultimate Anger Causer". Overall a good crap game effort and commendable that
the C source code was provided. I had a thought that if this game was ever made
for the ZX81 and someone tried playing it on a real machine, then the anger
could probably be magnified a hundredfold or so.

LOST 2008 - The Adventure
by Firelord
Filename: Lost_TheAdventure2008_v03.zip 
Score: 6.63
Ranking: 67th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
The second LOST game entered into CSSCGC 2008 makes me wonder what it is about
this TV series that has seemingly given it a lasting cultural impact. (alas I
have not seen it yet) Again, an amusing array of input options is provided on
the start screen, which is the hallmark of a Firelord release. We have come to
expect nothing less! I take it the main point of this game is to highlight how
each episode is painfully dragged out, which does seem to be a feature of many 
current day TV series. A unique and original touch is the inclusion of digital
photographs for viewing on a PC. These are critical for playing the game, since
they are referenced from the in-game text in lieu of actual ZX Spectrum
compatible images. The resolution may be much better this way, although I can't
help but speculate what the result would've been had these images been run
through a .SCR converter - crapper than this I presume?

Mind Game
by Woody
Filename: Mind_Game.szx 
Score: 6.62
Ranking: 68th
ZX Spectrum 48K 
This one momentarily gave me flashbacks of an obscure PC game from the mid-90's
called "Mind Grind", but I don't know why I'm mentioning it here since no-one
else on the planet has played it apart from me. I pitted my wits against the
(again highly artistically rendered) alien opponent but the bugger kept pipping
me at the post on every question. I finally did manage to outwit the alien once 
or twice but this game made me realise that mathematical ability is indeed
something that peaks around age 18 and then goes rapidly downhill from there.
Hope I never get invited onto the Krypton Factor. 

Starting Next CSSCGC Server Simulator
Filename: StartingNextCSSCGCServerSimulator.zip 
Score: 6.61
Ranking: 69th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K 
This one is quite presumptive about the personal PC usage habits of CGC compo
hosts and the problems they are faced with - in a most hilarious way. Even if
Firelord did not write "by Firelord" on the intro screen, I could have told you
on the spot this was one of his. A mischievous brand of humour prevails and
Firelord's trademark INK/PAPER combinations are both on display here. You could
positively cack yourself at the drama and realism conveyed as time runs low and
there is real "trouble at mill". I just chuckled at the line stating "this all
happened because you were viewing adult material" or something to that effect!. 
Verdict: Well it made me laugh and it is crap - so a reasonable score for a 
text-dominated effort.
by Andrew Owen
Filename: ColorPRINT.zip 
Score: 6.60
Ranking: 70th 
Platform: Timex TC2048 & Spectrum SE
Hmm.. The American spelling prevails, as of course the Timex was an American
derivate of the Speccy. Yes, and we all know that in England of a few centuries 
ago, "color" was also used too by 50% of the people, 50% of the time. Then they
all got on a big boat, sailed to America and left us "colour" spelling 
individuals behind. Anyhow, look at the lovely colours on this erstwhile
"Commodore killing" machine that never did become a commercial success. Play
around with the ATTR bytes and the UDGs as much as you like and then set the
telly up for an unsuspecting Birthday greeting for a family member. No-one has
yet written an editor for this one yet although it needs it.  

by chop983
Filename: Randomaze.tzx  
Score: 6.58
Ranking: 71st
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
This really is the sort of thing likely to grace a Cascade tape. Also if you
squint whilst looking at the game board, it actually looks like a newspaper
crossword. Randomaze is an apt name for this one as the difficulty of the game
ranges from incredibly easy to certainly impossible with no real in-between. It
just depends on the generated maze. Another point I noticed was the shunning of
the USR "a" method of setting up UDGs, meaning that although the game quite
comfortably fits inside a 16K speccy memory-wise, the 16K end user would have to
go in and mod the code in order to see the intended stick man figure. Serves 'em
right for not investing in a 48K model I suppose!
The Advanced Lawngrower Simulation
Filename: lawngrow.tzx 
Score: 6.56
Ranking: 72nd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K 
I was tempted to rename this one "The Advanced LawnGROAN Simulation" but on
reflection I guess ADJB can't fully be blamed for the fact that the CGC was
flooded with lawnmower themed games this year. In fact if we didn't have any
then it'd be a bit like getting through Christmas without the telly being crap
- i.e. just not right somehow. Well if this game doesn't do just about
everything right for the CGC then I don't know what would. Colourful intro
screen converted to ZX Spectrum format, Check! Mention of a lawnmower, Check! 
Pre-scripted player task triggered by single key press, Check! Satisfying game
denouement, Erm.. Check! So in short, everything's right here. Twenty minutes
spent on the loading screen and five on the game. I could comment on the lack of
UDGs, but then again doesn't a lower case 'i' make great blade of grass!
Deadly Warriors The Adventure 2008
by Firelord 
Filename: DeadlyWarriors.zip 
Score: 6.55
Ranking: 73rd
ZX Spectrum 16K
Firelord mentioned that this game took 4.5 billion years to be completed - or in
fact the approximate age of our planet and solar system. So, from the molten 
coalescence of our rocky planet, via the formation of the "primeval soup" and 
eventually towards the evolution of the higher apes we finally reach what made
it all worthwhile - this ZX Spectrum crap game by Firelord of course. You see
that is "Chaos Theory" (From a glass, I pour some water on my hand) and say 
again you see - "Chaos Theory", look at that.
The game itself is rather chaotic with a full text exposition of a brutal live
ring fight. It almost reminds me of some MUDs I have played in the past, as 
the fight progresses - "Will I hit them or will I miss?" you think. Sometimes
you'll get a screen full of cyan on white text which isn't easy on the eyes but
did make wonder about the possibility of porting this one to the VIC-20.

Commodore 64 Emulator 
by Steve "Sparkes" Parkes
Filename: c64.sna  
Score: 6.40
Ranking: 74th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
The only score I could think of when judging this joke emu was 6.4. By that 
reckoning if Steve had've done a mock VIC-20 emulator instead then I might have
scored it 2.0, potentially losing the compo. (You should have picked a TI-99!) 
This entry contrasts with some "real" emulators already in the compo.
It's a quick'n'dirty fake emulator, but a welcome one nevertheless, no thrills,
just a quick dig at "the other organisation". Every CGC must have one like this
in order to meet EU targets. So thanks to Sparkes that we met our quota for this
Daily Mail 
by Steve K
Filename: DailyMail.zip 
Score: 6.32
Ranking: 75th 
Platform: ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
Quality "Daily Mail" header graphic and nice usage of the 128K only
PLAY command. I wonder if there'll ever be a port to the 48K BEEP command, as it
appears that may be the only line in the program which prevents it from running
on a 48K system? Technical concerns aside,  the author assures me he'd had a few
drinks whilst making this game, well that's really what I call dedication of
getting into the role of the game. For you play a drink happy journalist, 
although in this one the drink appears to be a "cuppa". I can't help think it's
a cuppa gin though. Playing this for the second time round I can't help but see
how topical the generated pseudo-headlines are for 2008. Which nicely dates it.
I can imagine it'd be really bizarre to play this one in about twenty years 
Advanced throw some shoes at a prat
by Gavin Callard
Filename: shoes.zip
Score: 6.31
Ranking: 76th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K 
Gavin graced us with lots of games at the beginning of CSSCGC 2008 but then had
a long hiatus from the compo. He came back near the end with a final rallying
cry and this little topical number. The man who threw shoes at George Bush did
get beaten afterwards and this game does not let you forget that. Magenta 
background oozes a dedicated loyalty to the original "crap stylee".
Anyway,  see if you can win it without much difficulty. I inadvertently won
it on my first go - as I'm sure many players would.
Looking at the code, only one parameter actually influenced the outcome of the
game. The other parameter is a bit of a red herring, or perhaps it is there for
added realism? 

Reflex Meflex 09
by Arda
Filename: reflexa.sna  
Score: 6.30
Ranking: 77th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
This one is actually a challenging game. I never did completely master it as I'm
just too, well slow really. As a tester of reaction times perhaps it should
become part of the standard driving test or something. Eventually I tried to
beat the game by mentally "timing" the countdown such that I could get a really
fast score. With this method, I mostly failed by "jumping the gun" although I
did get "8 ticks" at one point. Ahhhrg, that was so near yet so far from the
ultimate goal of "7 ticks!" at which a treat is promised. Nice one if you were
ever to host the spec-chum crap game equivalent of a "LAN party". It's actually
a little too enjoyable and unique (and dare I say potentially useful) to become
truly crap! 

GOD Simulator 2008
by Firelord
Filename: GOD_Simulator2008v01.zip 
Score: 6.25
Ranking: 78th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K 
You can't get a more "God game" type game than a God simulator. Even Populous
doesn't touch this when it comes to actually playing the role of God. A 
relatively simplistic affair awaits (compared to actually running the entire
universe) and you'd be forgiven for thinking that some elements of being God
have been omitted from the game due to the technical limitations of the speccy
platform. I like the drawing of the asterisk starfield though. That was the sort
of graphical treat which could be found in type-in books of the era and used to
really impress me during the early days of home 8-bit computing.
Crap Factor
by Arda
Filename: crapfactor.tap
Score: 6.20
Ranking: 79th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
Funnily enough, the title of this game is also the name I give to the 2009
version of the '80s program "The Krypton Factor" because the new version is
basically crap! This is the game that dares to apply a computational algorithm
to crap game scoring. Will it replace us judges? Perhaps after these results are
out, most people will wish it had done! As for the game, very funny I thought it
was that Arda had appended a NEW statement onto the end of the game code. I can
only speculate that this is in case he is going to apply for a patent for this
one and he doesn't want anyone else stealing the code. Hmm, maybe one day a
clean-room open source re-implementation will be carried out? 
Verdict: Watch out CGC judges, your days are numbered. Automation is the way
by GreenCard
Filename: Drugsy.tap  
Score: 6.19
Ranking: 80th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
Aah finally, a game that deals with cutting edge social issues. I half expected
to see the "Winners don't do drugs" logo appear on loading this game up,
although in the case of this particular game "Winners do do drugs" would
probably be more apt. Features a complete lack of in-game graphics, and a rather
bleak and dark interface setting the rather shady tone of the game. Yet, somehow
I feel this was a good call, because it also makes it seem business-like - a bit
like a spreadsheet/database app or something. Some extra points scored for the
shadowy figure that appears on the loading screen, although I'm certain he used
to be a drummer in a '70s prog rock band. This has to be the British answer to
"Blow", surely!

Swift Turtle
by Arjun
Filename: Swifturtle-1.1.zip
Score: 6.13
Ranking: 81st
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
Not a game, but nevertheless can provide hours of entertainment for turtle
lovers. (No not that type of turtle lovers - sicko). Anyway this one could have
got a higher score, but it is just too flawlessly designed and executed. Again,
it put me on a real nostalgia trip and I immediately starting drawing all sorts
of geometric shapes and funky curves, lost as I was in my own little world of
delightful amusement. (A bit like Klaus Kinski in Fitzcarraldo). So I had an
idea to draw a ship suspended halfway up a mountain, but totally cocked it up by
getting one of the lines wrong. Anyhow it's a welcome addition to the crap game
archives and certainly better than one or two old non-CGC proggies that found
their way into the WoS archive over the years. If you're still not convinced,
then try the macro feature which really is the key to unlocking the power of
this program.

by Dr BEEP
Filename: funbasic.tap 
Score: 6.11
Ranking: 82nd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
People's definition of fun can vary and if a "fun sized" Mars bar can exist
(The only "fun" being that you've just been ripped off by buying undersized
chocolate bars) then this program can certainly be called fun. The user, on
pressing various keys is presented with a selection of funny remarks, rather
than actually programming anything. The responses vary from amusing to surreal
 - but be sure to select all of the extended and shift-extended keywords as well
as punctuation, lest you miss some humorous pearl of wisdom. It's a gas for a
few minutes and I haven't heard so much laughter from a computer response since
we got "/dev/tty - device not found" from a win32 command prompt! Oh that one 
was a real side-splitter I can tell you. 
TAN:- "Got a TAN from holiday" and LLIST:- "Don't stutter" where amongst the
more memorable one-line responses of this submission.

Advanced Lawnmower Simulator: The Adventure 
by steve
Filename: mowadventure.tap  
Score: 6.06
Ranking: 83rd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
Fresh from reviewing another few lawnmower entries, I now turn my attention to
this game and I've seen that many lawnmower games in this compo that I'm just 
about ready to apply for a job at Homebase (Lawnmower section). Full screen 
green is employed here which is the one colour this game could only ever be.
(Unless there's ever a sci-fi version where a magenta lichen lawn is mowed on
a distant alien planet!) It's pretty obvious to the player that they could type 
"mow" to mow the lawn, but if you type "M" instead, you get a message telling
that you can just type "m" to mow the lawn. This abbreviation is very useful
since you need type it 384 times in order to complete the game, which for some
reason amuses me. Was I expecting too much for the game to say something like
"You push the mower forwards" or "You mow another strip of the lawn" after
typing "m"? Probably, as I guess that'd make it too easy! 
Sub Chase 
by Woody
Filename: SubChase.zip 
Score: 6.04
Ranking: 84th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K & ZX Spectrum 48K
Nicely implemented with colourful graphics and smooth scrolling, I'm sorry but
this game isn't actually that crap! I've downloaded worse from the WoS archive
with an original price of £12.99. The game does have some crapness, perhaps like
the simple sound, or the fact that the "top of the sea" and the "depths below 
the sea" are merged into one flat surface, initially confusing the player. 
Woody needs to move the "lever of crapness" about two or three notches towards
"totally crap" in order to crap things up a bit more. I'm sure an Atari 2600
owner would rank this amongst one of their top ten games if it were on a 
deluxe bank switched cart.
Anyway, Woody can't help but provide an excellent level of support for most of 
his crap game efforts and so he eventually provided a 16K version of his game 
(which was tested under "Virtual ZX Spectrum" and was very contentious - 
I said "contentious", get it?) oh, never mind.

Harry the Magical: Harry and the Orden
by C.M. Gilles
Filename: harrypoker.zip 
Score: 6.02
Ranking: 85th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
I could be mistaken, but this has the look and feel of one of those "I already
made a game and I might as well send it in to the CGC" type of submissions.
Nothing wrong with that, in fact it was welcomed in 2008 and quite a few
entrants took this approach (even did it myself in 2007). 
You can play poker in it, but apparently it is not implemented correctly. So
that's at least partially crap, but the rest of game plays a little too good. 
It's a top-down view - a similar mechanism to Zelda series on the gameboy. 
Clearly also this one is firmly in the RPG genre, with what I'm guessing are 
Hit Points and Magic Points displayed on the screen.
I walked up a very long corridor whereupon I entered into a duel and won it, 
although I don't know exactly how. As a first time player, I found the game
a little confusing as to what was the right thing to do, but I'm certainly
no RPG expert!

Mini Game Compo Simulator
by Dr BEEP
Filename: MGC.TAP
Score: 6.01
Ranking: 86th 
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
You know when Dr. BEEP has an axe to grind - he starts emitting small games at
an alarming rate. This one really shook the foundations of the minigame compo
community, or at least it would have done had any minigame judges ever played it
which I suspect they didn't. I only say this because there seems to be some sort
of communication barriers between various sections of the home-brew retro-gaming
community. For example I don't think the mini-game judges have ever seen any of 
my CGC postings around the Internet and I have never seen any of theirs either.
So, the competitions go on as two isolated bubbles in a vast retro-gaming ocean.
In this game, I personally enjoy looking at such great mock usernames as "C64
lover" and also the game names such as "Lightbulb Factory", whilst keeping out 
of the politics! In that respect, I found it to be an amusing enough diversion. 

Advanced Night Out Simulator 
by Matt_B
Filename: nightout.tap 
Score: 5.98
Ranking: 87th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K 
This one has a couple of UDGs and the word "simulator" in the title, really just
what more DO you want? It's nicely done with the themes of drunkardness and
modern day urban dangers setting the scene. The control system is impeded by a
user selectable level of drunkenness which is quite amusing at the lower levels
but completely handicaps the player at the "paralytic" levels. Even so I still
find up and down movements easy but left and right a struggle. At heart though
this game seems a subtle promotion of the benefits of public transport.

Earth Invasion 
by Woody
Filename: EarthInvasion.szx  
Score: 5.97
Ranking: 88th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
Most of Woody's submissions get scores above a nominal 5.0 because they have had
a bit of effort put into them and they invariably written in machine code.
This one is quite possibly the only game I've ever played where the instructions
stay over the play area after the game has started, only to get successively
wiped off the screen by the ongoing sprite action. What a nice touch for the 
CGC that was. The user launched projectile is so slow in this one - it is
actually about the same speed as the enemy spaceship. So, if you hesitate and
then miss on the first firing you will be royally screwed. I also have to ask,
how big is the enemy ship sprite? 64x64 at a guess - how can you compete against
that with your tiny copter? This one also features analogue TV snow effect.
ZX Webcam 
by polomint
Filename: zxwc.tap 
Score: 5.95
Ranking: 89th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K & ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
Oh no, the TV is staring at me again! After the government-backed plot to
control my mind via a series of hidden messages in a Chris Tarrant gameshow was
thwarted, I thought that was the end of me being spied upon! How could polomint
tweak my emulator to do this? Clearly I need to get a shave (and also replace
that green light bulb with a normal one). You may be perplexed as to what this
program is until you press the C key and the joke will be revealed. Photographs
on the speccy can look frighteningly realistic, particularly if you squint
slightly or otherwise bring the image out of sharp focus. 
Verdict: Good for a quick laugh.
ZX Road King 
by mile
Filename: zx_road_king.zip  
Score: 5.88
Ranking: 90th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K 
Welcome to the grim reality of modern day urban Britain. On my first attempt I 
stupidly went the wrong way and was brutally stabbed in the neck. That'll teach
me to pay more attention to the in-game descriptions! On my second attempt, I
happily won the game, actually taking notice of textual hints on that occasion.
Great to see "Sugar Puffs" mentioned in a crap game entry. Always evokes 
memories of those ads with the Honey Monster and Henry McGee. Although by the
end of the game, the Sugar Puffs are humorously forgotten about and instead
a Twix is mentioned giving this game the honour of "best product placements" in
CSSCGC 2008!

Brainf*ck Interpreter
by Gianfranco Zuliani
Filename: bf.tap 
Score: 5.86
Ranking: 91st
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
I like this title and I have to say that the score could have been much higher
had the author written a crap game in brainf*ck and submitted that. This - I
would have really liked to see!
I've long had a passing interest in Brainf*ck and similar esoteric computer
languages whose only purpose is intellectual mischief and basically wasting time
and resources. It would have been great to see someone take up the challenge of
entering further BF programs into the CGC and this is also what I really hoped
for. However, since I get a migraine attack anytime I try to author/debug BF
code, I can quite understand why no-one else tried it either. Was glad to have
this in the compo though! 
Ultimate last minute sent in simulator
by Dr BEEP
Filename: sentsim.tap  
Score: 5.70
Ranking: 92nd 
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
Wikipedia has a policy of not mentioning itself in its own articles (apart from
the Wikipedia article that is!). Should the CGC be the same? Of course not! Here
we welcome games that revolve around the compo itself and many of them quite
possibly only make sense to people who've had any involvement with the CGC. 
Step inside Dr BEEP's (text-only) vision of submitting an entry at the last
minute. Something seems very real about a bounced email at the very moment you
don't want it to. Whilst playing this, I managed to give my virtual game the
name of various BASIC token keywords. I don't know if that is intentional or if
my emulator was playing silly buggers at the time. The player flexibility has to
be commended in that you can call your game whatever you like. I would have
enjoyed seeing a change from the default speccy colours, perhaps even a BRIGHT 1
white background (nothing too ambitious) as we did get lots of games this year
which just used the default INK/PAPER colour scheme. I should point out you can
win this game like I did, if you exactly enter the correct submission address
of CSSCGC 2008.
The Hat Factory 
by Gavin Callard 
Filename: thf.zip
Score: 5.59
Ranking: 93rd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
I tip my hat to Gavin Callard, this game is da bomb! High resolution full
colour graphics, sound and a totally insane game premise.
The fact that it is a fast paced game requiring skill and good timing (i.e. not
totally crap) added to the fact that we got so many entries in the compo this
year means it is placed at a ranking which probably doesn't do it full justice!
Heck it even comes with a highly amusing introductory blurb too. Meticulously
designed graphics (like the truck and conveyor belt for example) and the 
flawless flicker-free animation of the hats & bombs make for a
pleasant in-game environment, but in truth it's a couple of rungs above crap. 
Verdict: less harder next time, you must try! 

Achtung Minen
by Lucas Pelaez
Filename: achtung-minen.zip 
Score: 5.57
Ranking: 94th 
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
Again, I'm quite a fan of this tense and dramatic WWII minesweeping game but 
find myself giving it a rather low ranking which perhaps is unfortunate, since
it is well worth a look!
The only thing I can say that is crap about the game is that perhaps it is too
easy. Alas, the professional looking full-colour high-res graphics, combined
with multiple and varied interesting power ups and slick animation make this
game a little too good to be truly awful! Very grateful I was though to play 
this type of game, providing a refreshing counterpoint to the far more prevalent
text-based games that I'd played beforehand.
ZX Outlook 
by polomint
Filename: zxoe.tap 
Score: 5.55
Ranking: 95th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K & ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
With marginally more functionality and a much greater stability than the real
thing, this is really a lesson to Microsoft how things should be done and of
course you don't need a gigabyte of RAM to do it either. The extra feature I
really like though is the fact that you don't receive any emails in it from
work or annoyances like that. Everyone should ditch the Microsoft version and
use this one instead - you will be fitter, happier and more productive. I'm 
not sure when the next service pack for it is due out, perhaps CSSCGC 2010 at
a guess! Clearly, you can use this if you want to kiss goodbye to spam problems
as well. Watch out for the BSOD (Black screen of death) though on trying to
launch the browser - followed by a swift reboot (so realistic!).

Slap Me Forum Troll 
by Arda
Filename: troll_v17_3.zip 
Score 5.53
Ranking: 96th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
This entry utilises what looks like a 63 column (at least) text driver. You 
know, similar to Hi-soft Pascal and Tasword, where all the 'w' characters look a
bit like the hearts suite on a pack of playing cards. So, a point deducted for
making things better than they should be! On the good (crap) side though, this
game is totally poo - so thanks for entering it. Funny to see a rendering of
the top part of the "World of Spectrum" forums index converted to scr format
and a CSSCGC 2008 branding on the screen too. Feels truly like a 
"special edition" program or something. A lot of the WoS regulars are mentioned
in the game and you can choose one as your "Buddy" whilst flaming the others.
A high point of the game is the line "Do you want to get into polemic?". I 
usually don't but perhaps after Arda sees this game ranking, I may well end up
knee deep in polemic. Congrats anyway to Arda on 25 years with the ZX Spectrum!

La Pugly Ugly - The Long Journey 
by Bonny Bonnet Hood Softwarts
Filename: PUGLY.zip
Score: 5.51
Ranking: 97th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
Too damn good for the compo. Tries to be crap and in some ways is, but there's
no way you can get away with drawing such a good intro screen, and make a
clearly attemptable platformer without someone noticing that a fair bit of time
and effort went into this. 
This one spawned a thread in the Spanish spec-chum community, with the
announcer later mentioning something like "I'm sorry I just realised it is
actually a CGC game", followed by others:- "It's OK, we are playing it anyway".
I'm led to believe that certain well known members of the speccy community 
(experienced coders and designers) were involved in the development of this
title. That's presumably why it is good. On the crap side, the movement of the
player charachter may be vibrant and animated, but it is bleedin' awful to
control and insane how it can just stay hanging in mid-air. So some crap cred
is due for that at least. For me, the nightmares of the SCR image of the
"La Pugly Ugly" character have somwewhat faded in recent weeks, but haven't
totally gone just yet! In game "music" consists of a tortuous repetitive pulse
which did go off when I pressed a key. If you want a laugh, then read the
supplied instructions!
Music Demo
by Woody
Filename: musicdemo.tap 
Score: 5.50
Ranking: 98th 
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K & ZX Spectrum 128K
This is only the lowest scoring of Woody's entries because it is not actually a
game. However I nearly cacked myself with excitement at the prospect of this
BASIC extension, providing a SOUND command which can use either the Beeper or
the AY chip if available. Have an AY? Don't have an AY? That's fine, no-one
cares. Or at least the SOUND command doesn't. Your ears may tell a different
story. A great novelty for the CGC and it is nice that pre-128K owners are still
cared about. It is 2009, time to upgrade to 128K yet? No, thanks to Woody we are
rubberkeys fanatics till we die hahaha.... 
Correction: It isn't the lowest scoring of Woody's entries now, as Dumb Miner
is lower than this one. I forgot to change this on the 2nd pass of judging. 
Barcode Hangman 
by Unsatisfactory Software
Filename: barcode.zip 
Score: 5.48
Ranking: 99th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K & ZX81 16K
I actually think the barcode graphic in this game looks pretty damn good. Maybe
I should get the barcode scanner from work and try it out on the emulator screen
just to check that the generated codes to conform to the IEEE standards. Ahem,
anyway, some crapness points were scored for making a port from the ZX81 to the
Speccy whilst using zero of the speccy's features, making you think that you are
still actually playing it on a ZX81. Also, the score was saved from being lower
by the fact that it seems impossible to actually lose the game. (warning - 
expert crap game developers in the house). I see the BASIC code is there to lose
the game, but can it actually be lost? I couldn't do it and I did try a few
times! Quite possibly deserves a higher ranking, but judging this compo really
is like trying to pour a quart (the submissions) into a pint pot (the high
rankings) and this title was from a 1985 version!! Thanks for supplying the 
ZX81 version too though, the second one of only two in the compo.
ShitStack BrickBat
by steve
Filename: bricks.tap 
Score: 5.45
Ranking: 100th 
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
You've just been given a nice clean bat, and what do you do with it? Cover it in
poo of course. I'm not cleaning that mess up! Amuse yourself for as long as you
wish in this game that seems to have no score, no winning conditions (or losing
conditions for that matter). I'd loved to have been there when the author was
designing the game and said to himself "hmm, we need exactly five stacks of
falling poo - no other number will do.). Score isn't too high as it is another
very short if fun listing that fits entirely on a single ZX screen. Would need
to add more to reach a higher score, like a poo-related power up or something! 
Advanced Disappointment Simulator 
by Andrew Owen
Filename: ads.tap
Score: 5.33
Ranking: 101st
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
This game is scored as follows: 2.33 for the game idea. 3.0 for the really cool
BORDER statements that make it look as if something is about to load up! Now
the compo is over, it is no spoiler to say simply what this game does. Namely 
it pretends to load up a ZX Spectrum port of the latter-day popular game 
"GTA 4" but immediately fails with a tape loading error. Hence the eponymous
disappointment. But I was asking myself, would I really be that disappointed if
it didn't load? What form could the game possibly take given the limited
hardware of the speccy. I wouldn't want to think what the frame-rate would be
like and even if there was a controversial "hot coffee" type mod available,
would it be worth it? As punishment for this, aowen should write "GTA 4 - the
text adventure" next year and increase the disappointment at least sevenfold!
For the history books, it's probably worth a mention that this title was
submitted merely one minute before the end of CSSCGC 2008.
Verdict: Slightly disappointing it may be, but we crave disappointment by the
Dharma Initiative Swan Station Computer Simulator 
by Hernan Pablo Alvarez
Filename: dharma.zip 
Score: 5.22
Ranking: 102nd 
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
Having not seen the TV program "Lost" yet, I was in fact quite lost as to what
do in this game at first. With hindsight, it's a safe bet that I wouldn't have
guessed the correct answer. However, a quick Wikipedia search filled me in on
the needed info and I was happily able to complete the game. A good crapness 
idea was to announce in the accompanying documentation that the player has
108 minutes in which to enter the correct numeric sequence and then completely
ignore this time limit in the game itself (as looking at the code reveals)!
Also, the game is quite unforgiving of whitespace, so don't press space
accidentally or it's goodbye planet Earth.

Ultimate crap game last minute entry simulator
by Dr BEEP
Filename: UCGLES.TAP 
Score: 5.21
Ranking: 103rd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
A fun poke at the trials and tribulations experienced by eleventh hour crap
game coders. Now we don't want everyone to think that the CGC has its head up
its own backside, but it's always amusing to get some self-referring titles. 
(Erm, didn't we get another one like this somewhere?) I played through this one
a few times and I either got totally confused or I swear that a multiple choice
answer I gave earlier was originally correct but later found to be wrong! 
I didn't look at the code but I assume it was written with the consummate skill
of the ultra-experienced Dr BEEP. At least the answers are amusing! 
Advanced Lawnmower Simulator 3D
by Paul E Collins 
Filename: Lawn3d.tzx 
Score: 5.17
Ranking: 104th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
On hearing of this game it's easy to imagine visions of "Flight Simulator X"
type realism, or at least at the level of "Gunship". What we do get though is a
simple trick of perspective and a lovely magenta mower. I'll tell you what, the
way those clouds are moving across the sky, it's clearly blowing quite a gale
out there today. Better put your mittens on! Points deducted for allowing mowing
just slightly over the red line (An affront to civilised society) but as always
it just wouldn't do to underestimate the enduring cultural legacy the lawnmower
crap game series enjoys, so at least it scored above 5 - not bad! 
Mrs. Nibbs Cupcake Capers 
by Mulder 
Filename: Cupcake_FINAL.zip 
Score: 5.12
Ranking: 105th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
No I'm sorry, this is just too damn good. Back in the day I paid good money for
games that were far worse than this one. It would have been rejected from the
cassette 50 compilation due to appearing far too skilfully drawn and would no
doubt be exploited as a separate commercial offering (not the only one in the
compo I feel this applies to). Amusing back story and interesting development
paradigm certainly makes it a worthwhile and unique entry to the CGC and the
whole concept is tantalisingly crap. However, back in 1983 it wouldn't have
been, so it only gets a low crapness score, yet plenty of playing time by me! 

Bounce (Preview Edition)! 
by Shaun Bebbington
Filename: BounceCR.zip 
Score: 5.00
Ranking: 106th 
Platform: ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
Unfinished masterpieces such as this should be applauded. We applaud them
because the author had the good sense to stop working on them and to give up.
Watch out CSSCGC 2009 though, this one may rear it's head though in the form of
a more completed experience. Have a BALL with it, but don't let it drive you
BATty. Reminds me very much of a one-liner program I co-authored a while back 
(in the early stages of development before the game was created).
To be fair to Shaun, I encouraged him to send this one in even though he'd made
it clear to me it wasn't finished. So I can't be too harsh now can I? Besides,
the full version (Drum roll please) is tipped to have some BEEPs in it and
a high score table. I know it's almost too exciting for me too, but I must stay
calm! (games to judge and all that)

Elmo's karaoke C-rap (and many more)
by Dr BEEP
Filename: elmo.tap
Score: 4.98
Ranking: 107th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
OK, I confess I played this game a lot and I still haven't got the bottom of its
mysteries. I just keep getting the Jingle Bells tune (by FrankT) played whilst
the Elmo character displays a speech bubble, containing the letter I just
pressed repeatedly displayed. At doing this, the game is very good and I applaud
The graphics of Elmo himself look rather professionally done, but I cannot seem
to unlock any further tunes or surprise messages from the game - which in a way
is "job well done" for something in the crap game compo. It did however bring
back fond memories of my early childhood as I watched "Sesame Street" many times
before eventually having to go to school (which never was quite as much fun).

Garage BEEP 
by Andrew Owen
Filename: GarageBEEP_v1.z80 
Score: 4.94 
Ranking: 108th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
This one looks great and the graphics are in no way crap. In fact you are
starting to think it is something like CUBASE and ask yourself, where do I
insert the dongle? The answer is probably in your ear if you listen to some of
the crap I came up with whilst messing around with this one. It is very slow as
Andrew acknowledges (good-oh!) So it's probably a case of "all fair coat and no
knickers" as when Mrs Hubbard the cupboard labelled "Machine Code", it in fact
contained BASIC. Getting near the end of the judging for me now and so I ask
myself have I lost the plot yet? Mr Bimble replies "No you haven't". 
Verdict: Looks good, feature packed and could be useful to game designers. Not
actually that crap!
Stop the press: Andrew has released a non-crap much further developed version
with more machine code in it. This is very good and "Mister BEEP" produced an
outstanding tune with it. Naturally, my judgement is solely of the earlier 
CSSCGC 2008 crap version. 
by Shaun Bebbington
Filename: Binduko.zip 
Score: 4.75
Ranking: 109th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 128K/+2
The first of a three game assault on the compo by SB - likeable for its geek
appeal. You can possibly guess what's coming on starting the game, but still the
fact that someone actually wrote it will impel you to play the game through
to its logical conclusion provided you literally have two seconds to spare. 
Handy for completing on the short tube journey between Leicester Square and
Covent Garden (250 yards). Good for a short laugh of course. But after that,
the first three letters of the game name describe exactly what you should do
with it.
Stop the press: Obviously this game had some influence on me, since I submitted
the even worse "UnDoko" to CSSCGC 2009 - do you realise what you've started with

The Tunnel 
by chop983
Filename: The_Tunnel.tzx  
Score: 4.48
Ranking: 110th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
This one being a sequel to the equally bad "Maze" from 2005, I launched the game
not honestly expecting it to blow my mind. Sure enough, it's a decent enough
crap-romp through a virtual tunnel. After my sins of 2007 I have no real right
to overly criticise this one, besides since I go through a tunnel twice a day
(the Mersey Tunnel) I guess I have some sort of affinity with it. Play with a
closed mind and you're sure not to be disappointed. I'm sure a future compo
awaits another sequel with great anticipation. But, will it take another three
years for this to happen?  In the words of Fairport Convention "Time will show
the Wiser". Although I was sorely tempted to develop an unofficial sequel to
this on myself, I later realised that it is a sacred tradition of the
CGC which belongs to chop983 alone.

by Dr BEEP
Filename: Tracers.zip 
Score: 4.40 
Ranking: 111th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
This is too good for the CGC, so the low crapness score is out of respect for
the game more than anything else. This is a game where you absolutely have to
read the instructions to get an idea of how to play it. I had to play the first
level (Level 00) a few times before I finally beat it as I kept making the wrong
moves. In other words, you have to think ahead and very carefully as one wrong
move tends to blow the whole level.  With a hundred levels in the game I'll be 
sure to return to it again to complete some more of them. For me, it really is
the sort of Puzzle game that makes retro-gaming fun. Good to see a light colour
scheme in use too! Not crap game material although you might be excused for
thinking so (if you didn't read the instructions) but glad to have it in the CGC

Advanced Paint Drying Simulator 
Filename: paint.tzx 
Score: 4.35
Ranking: 112th 
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
This one achieved cult status as the 100th title to be entered into the 2008 CGC
, chronologically speaking. It does what it says on the tin (of paint). I once
painted the outside of a house and it looked a bit like this program. I kept
saying "that paint at the top will go darker as it dries, trust me". Of course
what really had happened was that two subtly different shades of paint were used
, so the house still to this day looks not unlike this program when it is half
completed. From a suggested idea by Andrew Owen, I thought for a moment this
program would itself evaporate into the vapourware section - but we
collectively groaned as it unstoppably became a reality, although the excellent
tin of pain graphic on the loading screen makes this one a cut above the very
lowest ranking entries. 
Advanced Coat Getting Adventure Simulator 
by Steve
Filename: coat.sna 
Score: 4.28
Ranking: 113th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K 
In space, no-one can hear you scream. Unfortunately, I wasn't in space when I
received this one. Perhaps the next time a new interstellar probe is launched,
they can put the source code of this game inside it. Perhaps that is the only
way of getting rid of it. A game that certainly never could have been released
back in the day before USENET and web forums became widely used. This one 
certainly owes it's core idea to the Internet explosion and the fact that any of 
us can regrettably or perhaps deliberately become architects of a digital faux
pas. (erm, what am I going on about?) 
Anyway, the game is saved from "rock bottom" status by the inclusion of an
"Easter Egg", a close shave though I have to say. 

Advanced 10 PRINT Simulator
by DrUnKeN mAsTeR
Filename: 10_PRINT_sim.rar 
Score: 4.20 
Ranking: 114th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
I awarded 3.0 for the game and added 1.2 for the amusing manual that accompanies
it! Not since the retirement of Johnny Ball have we joyfully enjoyed bunking off
work to watch some schools programs whilst pratting around with a bit of futile
BASIC coding. All I'll say is that this one follows a long tradition of "PRINT
simulator" games and is mildly more entertaining than getting a nose bleed
halfway up mount Everest. Perhaps not a stocking filler but at least it is a
screen filler. 
Turing Test Simulator 
by Guesser
Filename: Turing_test_Simulator.TAP 
Score: 3.98
Ranking: 115th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
The first thing that struck me about this title was the multicoloured loading
screen, which on the one hand looks great and really colourful due to stippling
effects, yet on the other hand looks somewhat corrupted in places. I'm guessing
(no pun intended) that this is the result of automatically converting it from
another graphics format. As for the "Turing test" itself, a look
"under the bonnet" of the code will reveal that the program is not that bright,
randomly spitting out a few everyday responses. However, you may say it
comfortably passes the Turing Test because I think I know some people who can be
mimicked flawlessly by this title. 
Flight Simulator 2008 
by James Smith
Filename: FlightSim2008.zip 
Score: 3.87
Ranking: 116th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
Why the low crapness score? Look, this game is just too darn good, and the
crapness rating is therefore very low! I actually enjoy playing it, and it's
written in professional assembly language. Add in the documentation and real
maps, and you have something that could've been ordered back in the day from 
James Smith Games plc. PO. Box 27. Inverness. Price £14.99, please allow 28 days
for delivery. I'm sorry but submitting good games like this ain't gonna win the
compo. Congrats on the game though it really is great to see a geographically
accurate Scotland scroll past on our beloved speccy. 

Escape from Body 
by Arda
Filename: Body.zip 
Score: 3.78
Ranking: 117th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
Aah, the one that got away. Or did it? Arda submitted this to CSSCGC 2007, but
it was too late for that compo. Long forgotten and lost (for 11 months). I guess
the whole world had either remained unaware of it or (including Arda) completely
forgotten about it. Then along comes Master Crap Game Archiver, Chris Young to
dig this one out and to give Arda a bit of a shock, and rest of us a bit of a
friendly giggle. You see this one came back to haunt Arda  - it just wouldn't
die. What's it about? Truthfully, I don't think anyone has a clue. But it exists
as a timeless curiosity, maybe open to further future interpretations. 

16K Spectrum Emulator 
by Andrew Owen
Filename: 16KSpecEm.zip
Score: 3.76
Ranking: 118th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K 
Makes your 48K system appear identical to 16K one such that a 16K snapshot taken
from the resultant "emulated" system is indistinguishable from a real 16K
spectrum. Only two slight snags:- (1) the filling of the high 32K with $FF to
emulate "no attached RAM" truly takes ages. (2) you can still POKE the high 32K
and PEEK it back again betraying the presence of real RAM there. Still, in 
practise these things tend not to effect the operation of 16K software at all
(and the filling can be bypassed anyway). This one is actually potentially
useful since we could use it to run a 16K game with hard-wired UDG addresses in
the 48K QOAP emulator - if we really wanted to.
Not a game of course, but that doesn't seem to be important to anyone anymore.
Anyway, it seemed to fit into a nice gap here in the lower rankings of the
compo due to its theoretical usefulness.
Dumb Miner
by Woody
Filename: dumbminer.szx 
Score: 3.57
Ranking: 119th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
On receiving this entry, I immediately contacted Matthew Smith to elicit his
comments on it, to which he replied "Utterly Brilliant!" (or was that David
Darling?). Not really of course, but I'll simply describe this one as a copy of
Manic Miner that has been POKEd to make Miner Willy fall through floors
thereby rendering the game somewhat amusing yet completely unplayable. We like a 
bit of variety in the compo and I guess this sort of thing has never been
submitted before. So I'll just slap an appropriate low score of 3.57 on it and
be on my merry way, hoping wholeheartedly that next year we may see Dumb Set
Willy and wondering what possible thing another compo judge could write about
something like this! So if you wanted to lose the compo Woody, then this was a 
pretty decent attempt, not too far off the target!
attack of the flying saucer!
by Ian
Filename: AOTFS.z80  
Score: 3.51
Ranking: 120th
Platform: ZX Spectrum 48K
Use of the word "cack" by me in the game's initial review was arguably a little
harsh, yet undoubtedly scientifically accurate. Furthermore "cack" is quite a
complement to be bestowed on a game of this competition. This one is without a
shadow of a doubt "cascade tape" filler material. In fact I had to play every
game in the original cascade tape, just to make sure that this wasn't one of
them. The low score reflects the fact that this one is one of those quickly
knocked up efforts that keeps the compo rolling on through dark winter nights.
I hope the low score does not dissuade the author from potential future crap
game efforts, because if "Cascade 50 Volume Two" ever hits the shelves then a
place on it must be reserved today for this one! Low ranking just reflects the
simplicity of the listing and the number of games in the compo. Otherwise,
job well done!

Advanced PURPLE Loading Simulator
by BloodBaz
Filename: apls.tap
Score: 1.10
Ranking: 121st
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
I awarded 1.01 to "Advanced Loading Simulator" and lets be honest, this game
demands an identical score, but I have felt kind enough to award an additional
0.09 points since I actually like purple myself. Even if it is an illusion 
caused by the rapidly fluctuating blue and magenta bands of colour. This was a 
close one, Bloodbaz in that at one stage, early in 2008 you almost lost the 
compo and potentially ended up hosting CSSCGC 2009. However, you were saved by
steve. Such are the tiniest margins between the results	of similar compo
(Edit in 2nd pass of judging: saved from this fate by Guesser, steve and ADJB!) 

Advanced Loading Simulator 
by steve
Filename: als.tap 
Score: 1.01
Ranking: 122nd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K
Submitting this "game" is exactly equivalent to writing a note thus
"Dear Digital Prawn, I would really like to host CSSCGC 2009 and I'm not going
to let anyone else stop me.".
You see I once learnt from a certain Chris Young, that there's "crap and there's
sh*te." Which category can a CGC judge truthfully put this in? 
(From 1st pass of judging): - You have the baton for 2009 steve, my
commiserations. I'm sure though you'll have plenty of fun next year though
judging things like this! 
(2nd pass of judging): The above was written back in early 2008 - but I can now
tell you that you completely got away with not quite losing the compo and
judging CSSCGC 2009, *phew* a close one though!

Lapland Theme Park Manager
by cruddy software
Filename: lapland.sna 
Score: 0.30
Ranking: 123rd
Platform: ZX Spectrum 16K (and many others)
Let me say that I think "cruddy software" are a band of one and that member
is none other than ADJB. I'm not sure if there were any accomplices to this
software abomination, but I'm guessing they would keep quiet anyway.  
This entry was submitted via "Text mode", an experimental feature of CSSCGC
2008 whereby entrants could post on forums or email me a piece of BASIC,
assembler or FORTH code for example and I would accept it as a submitted compo
entry. Perhaps this title has ensured that the experiment will never again be
repeated in the CGC. The title has one saving grace it is (or was at the time)
topical and also funny too, or at least I had to write something "funny" around
it on the site. An amazing trick is that this entry runs completely unmodified
on ANY of the permitted platforms (including the Jupiter ACE), so has 
simultaneously become the worst CGC entry on all of those systems at the same
If I didn't rank this (which consists solely of the line "10 CLS") last in the 
compo, then how could I have ever justify making someone else lose whilst this
exists? Thanks ADJB, you gave us one to remember (or should I say forget)
but I have to admire the audacity of submitting it!

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